call all you want

[folklore]

 MUSELIST
 OPEN POST
 NSFW POST

IC INBOX 

leave a tfln/random text/whatever

 

Comments

[schemery]

absolutely not bro.
just.





no.

(1/???)

[hoot]

Y NOT C'MON

[hoot]

FLOWERS EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK

plus foot rubs and stuff

done

[hoot]

and i'd do pushups in front of her (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

ladies LOVE pushups

[schemery]

first off: married
secondly: my mom is not gonna date somebody that's her son's age
third of all: i love you, my man. you know we're gonna get bromarried
but there is no way, no how, that i want you to be my stepdad

also she could probably bench press you if she wanted so idk how much your pushups would impress her

[hoot]

DUDE that's cold

i would be a great stepdad

the best

i bet i could even get a pipe and stuff for when i had to give you dad advice

or stepdad advice w/e idk if there's a difference

[schemery]

dude
stop

you're not marrying my mom
you're not even gonna date her

i forbid it

[schemery]

[ . . . ]

[schemery]

akaashi will forbid it

( 1/3 )

[hoot]

[hoot]

[ that last one only makes him heave The Most Dramatic Sigh, one probably loud enough to be heard all the way over at kuroo's place. and he punctuates it by flopping down bodily on his bed, even though there's no one around to see and pity him for his Deep and Terrible Suffering. ]

akaashi wouldn't even notice

[hoot]

[ the pout is so real CAN YOU FEEL IT

abandoned by his one true bro in his time of need... woe is bokuto... his suffering is great... ]

he isn't responding to ANY of my sweet moves

[schemery]

[ Oh boy.

The real reason that Bokuto is trying to convince him that dating his mom is doable: his unquenchable thirst for his setter. To be fair to him, his mom does seem way more attainable than Akaashi Keiji.

Kuroo stares at his phone, heaving an equally loud sigh as he envisions his pout. ]

have you tried the bend and snap yet?
your ass is pretty great, and your tits are huge

( 1/2 )

[hoot]

DUDE U HAV NO IDEA

i try to take off my shirt for him and he's all

bokuto-san we don't need to play shirts and skins when we're on opposite sides of the net

i try to flex right in front of him and he's like

bokuto-san is ur arm cramping up

I EVEN DRANK WATER ALL SLOW-MO AND SEXY LIKE THEY DO IN THE MOVIES

and all he said was bokuto-san it'd probably be easier if u opened it first

[hoot]

he's like

immune to how cool i am

[schemery]

damn, man
that'd all leave me SWOONING

is he a robot, is that why he's so beautiful and skilled and a little evil?
he's a robot owl?

i've figured it out

you've got a boner for an automaton

[schemery]

ok
how about this

have you tried praising him??
like appealing to HIS cool side
cause he's got one
i seent it once

maybe if you butter him up he'll succumb to your charms

( 1/2 )

[hoot]

DUDE WTF

WHAT IF HES LIKE A TERMINATOR

are terminators immune to flirting PROBABLY

oh god bro idk if i'm ready to have the hots for a robot

[hoot]

wait

srsly

you think thatll work better than flexing

[ i mean have you SEEN his muscles ]

[schemery]

bro you would be PIONEERING romance with this
bone a robot
do it for science
for justice
for the world

for *me*

[schemery]

he could be a shy robot

or just thinks you're being you
he's seen enough joint practices by now to know we rip our shirts off and flex a lot unprompted
it might be going over his head

( 1/3 )

[hoot]

bro you know i would do anything for u

LITERALLY walk through fire and stuff

but i don't know about pioneering for science with my dick

[hoot]

esp after u dissed my stepdad cred

and wouldn't let me date ur mom

[hoot]

[ wtf... a shy robot... that's cute...

... and it makes his chest feel gross and tingly and warm, heat spreading all the way up to the stupid little woobly smile on his face. ]

i guess it's worth a shot

and it's not like it's hard i mean akaashi IS really awesome

and good at volleyball

and good at everything

and hot















dude i'm so into a robot HELP ME

[schemery]

dude
you wouldn't be able to stay in a committed relationship with my mom
especially while you're so hung up on a robot

it just wouldn't work
was never meant to be