call all you want

[folklore]

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[schemery]

akaashi will forbid it

( 1/3 )

[hoot]

[hoot]

[ that last one only makes him heave The Most Dramatic Sigh, one probably loud enough to be heard all the way over at kuroo's place. and he punctuates it by flopping down bodily on his bed, even though there's no one around to see and pity him for his Deep and Terrible Suffering. ]

akaashi wouldn't even notice

[hoot]

[ the pout is so real CAN YOU FEEL IT

abandoned by his one true bro in his time of need... woe is bokuto... his suffering is great... ]

he isn't responding to ANY of my sweet moves

[schemery]

[ Oh boy.

The real reason that Bokuto is trying to convince him that dating his mom is doable: his unquenchable thirst for his setter. To be fair to him, his mom does seem way more attainable than Akaashi Keiji.

Kuroo stares at his phone, heaving an equally loud sigh as he envisions his pout. ]

have you tried the bend and snap yet?
your ass is pretty great, and your tits are huge

( 1/2 )

[hoot]

DUDE U HAV NO IDEA

i try to take off my shirt for him and he's all

bokuto-san we don't need to play shirts and skins when we're on opposite sides of the net

i try to flex right in front of him and he's like

bokuto-san is ur arm cramping up

I EVEN DRANK WATER ALL SLOW-MO AND SEXY LIKE THEY DO IN THE MOVIES

and all he said was bokuto-san it'd probably be easier if u opened it first

[hoot]

he's like

immune to how cool i am

[schemery]

damn, man
that'd all leave me SWOONING

is he a robot, is that why he's so beautiful and skilled and a little evil?
he's a robot owl?

i've figured it out

you've got a boner for an automaton

[schemery]

ok
how about this

have you tried praising him??
like appealing to HIS cool side
cause he's got one
i seent it once

maybe if you butter him up he'll succumb to your charms

( 1/2 )

[hoot]

DUDE WTF

WHAT IF HES LIKE A TERMINATOR

are terminators immune to flirting PROBABLY

oh god bro idk if i'm ready to have the hots for a robot

[hoot]

wait

srsly

you think thatll work better than flexing

[ i mean have you SEEN his muscles ]

[schemery]

bro you would be PIONEERING romance with this
bone a robot
do it for science
for justice
for the world

for *me*

[schemery]

he could be a shy robot

or just thinks you're being you
he's seen enough joint practices by now to know we rip our shirts off and flex a lot unprompted
it might be going over his head

( 1/3 )

[hoot]

bro you know i would do anything for u

LITERALLY walk through fire and stuff

but i don't know about pioneering for science with my dick

[hoot]

esp after u dissed my stepdad cred

and wouldn't let me date ur mom

[hoot]

[ wtf... a shy robot... that's cute...

... and it makes his chest feel gross and tingly and warm, heat spreading all the way up to the stupid little woobly smile on his face. ]

i guess it's worth a shot

and it's not like it's hard i mean akaashi IS really awesome

and good at volleyball

and good at everything

and hot















dude i'm so into a robot HELP ME

[schemery]

dude
you wouldn't be able to stay in a committed relationship with my mom
especially while you're so hung up on a robot

it just wouldn't work
was never meant to be

[schemery]

also you'll be a great dad
but not mine

[schemery]

[ lol Kuroo really hopes that Akaashi never sees this conversation, he'll kill Kuroo for making Bokuto think he's a goddamn robot. But how can you resist Bokuto's charms? His muscles? He's so beefy and dreamy and would love you with every ounce of devotion he could muster. ]

i'm tryin to help you bro
tryin so hard

find out what his favorite food is and what kinda snacks he likes
get them for him for like practice munchies and shit
just find out what kinda stuff he likes in general!!
and tell him how good he is and smart and shit
he'll be putty in no time
i bet my life on it

( 1/3 )

[hoot]

ok ok ok

ur right man

ur moms a total babe and she deserves someone who isn't super into a robot

... like ur dad lol

[hoot]

whoa

dude

bro

DUDE

BRO

am i getting

the super secret kuroo tetsurou guide to scoring big and getting hella laid

[hoot]

like i always knew u loved me as deeply as one bro could ever love another bro

but this is some next level stuff

this is like a secret technique passed down for thousands of generations

we're on a whole new plane of bro relations

i'm pretty sure i'm a member of ur family now

[schemery]

exactly
i'm glad you've seen the light

besides you like my parents

[schemery]

you were already a member of my family, genius
god

[schemery]

you're getting the kuroo tetsurou guide to dealing with introverted setters that aren't openly affectionate or interested in overt advances

aka how i court kenma on a regular basis
so yeah you're getting a secret technique, just adjusted for an owl robot