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[folklore]

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Comments

[schemery]

he could be a shy robot

or just thinks you're being you
he's seen enough joint practices by now to know we rip our shirts off and flex a lot unprompted
it might be going over his head

( 1/3 )

[hoot]

bro you know i would do anything for u

LITERALLY walk through fire and stuff

but i don't know about pioneering for science with my dick

[hoot]

esp after u dissed my stepdad cred

and wouldn't let me date ur mom

[hoot]

[ wtf... a shy robot... that's cute...

... and it makes his chest feel gross and tingly and warm, heat spreading all the way up to the stupid little woobly smile on his face. ]

i guess it's worth a shot

and it's not like it's hard i mean akaashi IS really awesome

and good at volleyball

and good at everything

and hot















dude i'm so into a robot HELP ME

[schemery]

dude
you wouldn't be able to stay in a committed relationship with my mom
especially while you're so hung up on a robot

it just wouldn't work
was never meant to be

[schemery]

also you'll be a great dad
but not mine

[schemery]

[ lol Kuroo really hopes that Akaashi never sees this conversation, he'll kill Kuroo for making Bokuto think he's a goddamn robot. But how can you resist Bokuto's charms? His muscles? He's so beefy and dreamy and would love you with every ounce of devotion he could muster. ]

i'm tryin to help you bro
tryin so hard

find out what his favorite food is and what kinda snacks he likes
get them for him for like practice munchies and shit
just find out what kinda stuff he likes in general!!
and tell him how good he is and smart and shit
he'll be putty in no time
i bet my life on it

( 1/3 )

[hoot]

ok ok ok

ur right man

ur moms a total babe and she deserves someone who isn't super into a robot

... like ur dad lol

[hoot]

whoa

dude

bro

DUDE

BRO

am i getting

the super secret kuroo tetsurou guide to scoring big and getting hella laid

[hoot]

like i always knew u loved me as deeply as one bro could ever love another bro

but this is some next level stuff

this is like a secret technique passed down for thousands of generations

we're on a whole new plane of bro relations

i'm pretty sure i'm a member of ur family now

[schemery]

exactly
i'm glad you've seen the light

besides you like my parents

[schemery]

you were already a member of my family, genius
god

[schemery]

you're getting the kuroo tetsurou guide to dealing with introverted setters that aren't openly affectionate or interested in overt advances

aka how i court kenma on a regular basis
so yeah you're getting a secret technique, just adjusted for an owl robot

( 1/2 )

[hoot]

BRO.........

i'm gonna tear up for real

u know i love it when u talk sweet to me

[hoot]

speaking of kenma lol

how's that going

have u managed to confess ur undying love yet

did he swoon into ur arms and ask u to make sweet love to him

(ʃƪ〃ﾟ3ﾟ〃)

[schemery]

you're my sugar bro

my one and only

[schemery]

like kenma would ever say that lmao

it's going fine dude
i'm totally patient about it

like shit i'm so so thirsty you know this
but i'm chill with him setting the pace ヾ(*ↀᆺↀ)ﾉ

( 1/3 )

[hoot]

bro stop ur making me blush

u dont gotta woo me u know my heart is already urs

[hoot]

dude lol

if u keep letting him set the pace or w/e ur not gonna get laid until like

ur both dead

in the ground

skeletons

then maybe he'll let u bone him

[hoot]

get it

BONE him

[schemery]

just wait until i can bropose to you dude

just wait

it'll be AMAZING

[schemery]

ha
that's a good one bro

[schemery]

but man
like
if we boned that would be fuckin AWESOME

but if we don't and he just wants to cuddle all the time
i'm down for that too
it's hard to explain kenma's just a different kinda beast altogether

which is why i gotta modify my guide for akaashi
i bet he's freaky in bed

[hoot]

[ there is a profound ten minute pause as bokuto contemplates akaashi and freaky in bed.

and then: ]















oh god

dude

[schemery]

[ Kuroo, of course, goes to do other things in that ten minute pause. He goes back to fucking around in his program on the molecular structures of various plant life.

He figures Bokuto'll come back with his revelation eventually, and he does not disappoint. ]



it's always the quiet ones, dude
and he's got the stern voice down pat
imagine that in bed