laography | 'cause somebody stole my car radio

[ A lot of people say that Lev isn't a very smart person. He has instincts, sure, and his reflexes are great, but he's just not smart.

Lev is fine with this assessment. He doesn't have to be smart to be an ace, after all, and so long as he keeps his grades up he shouldn't have any problems. So, he lives a simple life outside of volleyball, where he just lives day-by-day. It's easy, that way. But there are some things that he knows without questioning:

He's only just turned sixteen, but he's pretty sure he knows this for an absolute fact.

Long arms stretched out across the third year's bed, he stares up at him with his pale, cat-like eyes, knees folded up impossibly to his chest. He plucks at the cover, ignoring the homework that he had begged Yaku to help him with for a little bit longer, instead focusing on the older but smaller teen with a keen sort of determination that he doesn't bring to a lot of things. Slowly, Lev moves his fingers along so that he can creep them over to Yaku's leg, picking at the cuff of his pantsleg when he gets there. ]

Ne, Yaku-san. [ His head lolls over against his shoulder, until it drops, cheek resting on his bicep and hair sweeping into his face. ] Where're you going after you graduate? Is it going to be far away?

[ yaku wonders if maybe he shouldn't take on pity cases. he's always thought this. yaku's always been a sensible guy, but he's weak to people who need help--he's the caring one, the one who's always there with a tissue when someone's going to sneeze, always keeping a bottle of lotion in his bag for tora's dry hands and an extra scarf for kenma because he's so absorbed in a game that he walks out of the house for school without one. the cat in his house he picked up out of a shelter at three years old, because no one wanted to adopt her because she wasn't a kitten. yaku has a soft heart, and he knows he does.

thus: haiba lev.

yaku's starting to wonder if maybe this first year has grown on him a bit. after all, for as ridiculously irritating as lev is a lot of the time (his brash need to declare himself the ace, his ridiculous ego that sorely mismatches his talent level, his stupid lack of tact, his incessant need to call yaku short all the time), yaku's kind of proud of him. he's come pretty far since they first recruited him for the team, and he's kind of confident (kind of) that nekoma will be in good hands when he and kuroo and the other third years leave. kenma will probably keep them from falling apart. probably.

but, back to lev. he works hard. he works really, really hard. for as boastful as he is about nothing, he does want to get better. all the extra receive practice he and kuroo have been doing with lev is starting to drill through his head, and more often than not, kuroo just deposits lev on yaku, probably because the little shit wants to watch what happens. bastard. either way, yaku and lev have since started spending a lot of time together, which is why he's let lev come over for tutoring three times this week. he doesn't really mind it all that much (when he's not making comments about yaku's height or being irritating and not letting yaku get his work done) so here they are. again.

there's also the Other Thing that yaku is refusing to believe exists but. we'll get to that later. for now, he's got his head buried in one of his english books, studying where he'd left lev to work on some math problems half an hour ago, and yaku hums in recognition that he speaks, keeping his gaze on the page. ] Mmm? I guess so. I'm going to play libero for a school a couple hours away with the bullet train.

[ absentmindedly, yaku reaches down to pat lev's head, small fingers brushing over his silver hair, a soothing gesture he'd do to anyone on the team. really. ] Why?

[ Lev knows that his senpai all have better things to do than to try and drill him into a better player, because he doesn't have to be a regular, even when the third years leave. His height doesn't really mean much if he can't get better, and they devote so much time to helping him achieve his goal of becoming an ace just to make sure that he can help the others once the third years are gone. He wants to pay forward what Kuroo and Yaku and Kenma and all the others have done for him, help his future kouhai so that they can play with everyone too. The bench is a sad place to be, sometimes, but he's getting better. The ball doesn't fly off in random directions anymore when he receives, and he's been receiving more balls than he's been missing.

His spikes are still a little wild, but Kuroo is a great teacher. Yaku and Kenma are too short to teach him to do his whip spike, and Yaku's a libero, anyways. Spiking's not his job. But he teaches him so many other things, and it's great! He helps him with his studies, even though he's a third year, and he helps him with receives, showing him what he can do as a libero, and it's really great.

Yaku is really great, in general, but Lev knew this when they first met without a doubt.

His long fingers enclose around Yaku's ankle absently, thumb fitting in the divot of his inside ankle, massaging. His focus is a thousand miles away, thinking about how he'll become the ace by the time he's getting ready to graduate high school, about how he'll have done Yaku proud, maybe. His eyes close, content, as he tips his head into Yaku's touch. It's nice, and he's going to miss it. ]

I'm gonna miss you, is all. [ Lev says it earnestly, squeezing his ankle. ] Will you let me visit, when we don't have practice?

[ lev is so... tactless, is the first word yaku thinks of. stupid, maybe? definitely. tactless is a nicer way to say it, though. he just...says things, whatever he's thinking at the time, and they tend to irritate yaku, because they tend to be dumb. (or insults about his height. or both.) but here, he's using it to be kind of sweet, and yaku feels a sorely misguided stab of affection in his chest because of it. okay, maybe, maybe, lev's grown on him a lot. he's getting used to his strange ways and seeing his benefits for the team; seeing someone grow and change as a person is always a sort of rewarding experience, especially for yaku, who thrives on making other people better. it's his job as a libero, his job as the (jokingly; he'll punch kuroo if he calls him this again, but it's true) "team mom". he has everyone's backs because he trusts them to score without him. they're an interconnected chain that never breaks, not flashy, not wild--nekoma has never needed a freak quick or flashy serves to score points. lev didn't fit in because of this at first, but he's learning.

nekoma is a body, a moving body with a brain that they love, a heart that keeps them thrumming, blood that moves through their veins. the team is a team in a thousand senses of the word, and though lev might have fit in like a tail on a person at first, he's becoming part of the cycle just as much as the rest of them are. perhaps a team heart to take over when yaku's moved onto bigger things.

quietly, he glances at lev from behind his books, his cheeks flushing just a little with the sheer honesty. yaku shuts his book, setting it down on his lap, and turns all of his attention to the giant fucking lion baby currently lying with his head on his bed, hair in his face. the snort he lets out is softly fond, and yaku reaches over with his small hand to push his bangs out of his face. ] As long as you're not skipping practice, I don't see why not.

[ if lev can't see the affectionate look on his face, well. that's all the better for yaku, who, despite his generally kind demeanor, has been very guarded about the emotions close to his heart, especially when it comes to his stupid, wannabe ace. ]

[ Eyes still closed, Lev basks under Yaku's attention. He does this with all of his senpai, truth be told, but it's different with Nekoma's libero. With the rest of the team, there's the same feeling he gets with his family, teasing and shoving and friendly bullying that tends to happen when you have a bunch of teenagers in one place for extended periods of time. His younger siblings climb him, his older siblings drag him into noogies and push him around so that he's more on their level.

His volleyball friends do it, too. They're a little mean, sometimes, but it's a lot better than what it was like on the basketball team, and he's more than happy to accept what they say, even when it's the meanest. After all, they don't mean any harm, they're just trying to incorporate him into the body that makes up the team, and sometimes you have to be a little tough. He's really, very dumb, and he knows it, but he also knows this much. He's seen them play against other teams with him on the bench, he's seen how seamless they are when they work together.

Lev wants to be there on the court with them, too. Wants to be the blood that makes the heart beat, the brain strong.

Opening his eyes as he feels his hair being pushed out of his face, he lifts them up to look at Yaku, more than happy to be on this level instead of looming over the tiny third year. (But he's so tiny! It makes Lev so happy, makes him think about how easy it could be to wrap around him.) ]

Of course not! I love you, and I'll miss you so much, but I want you to be proud of me, Yaku-san! If I skipped, you wouldn't be proud at all!

[ everything is going fine. yaku's actually kind of struck with a bout of affection for their big dumb wing spiker as he settles back against his bed, fingers still absently running through his hair. he's done pretty good lately, yaku figures, with school and with volleyball both, and maybe he's just too hard on him sometimes.

and then lev goes and says that.

yaku chokes. ] Lev! [ because WHAT. almost immediately, color blasts across his face, a red to rival the color of his nekoma jacket, and yaku snaps his book shut with a resounding 'fwack' noise, turning to lev with a sort of incredulous look on his face.

it takes a full second for his brain to reboot as he stumbles over the fact that lev just blase said "i love you" to him. what the fuck? lev, what the fuck. he's just going to have to assume this is lev being a fucking weirdo as usual because what. ]

Y...-You can't just say things like that! [ he eventually chokes out. ] Are you serious?!

[ Lev jolts when Yaku snaps his book shut, but there's no fear in him - god bless this stupid child - and it's more at how loud the noise is. He stares up at him with his green, cat-like eyes, still folded up impossibly on the floor with his knees tucked between the bed and his chest. Slowly, though, he slides backwards to sit up properly, instead of letting his long arms drape across the bed. He honestly doesn't see anything wrong with what he just said, because he's never had problems with telling people how he feels.

Why shouldn't he share his emotions with the people he cares about most? That seems silly! ]

Of course I'm serious, Yaku-san! [ Without any problems whatsoever, he unfolds his body like liquid, in a rare show of grace, only to drop to his knees on the bed and hunch down so that he's more on Yaku's level instead of looming over him. His shoulders drop and curl inwards, and he smiles at him beatifically. ] I wouldn't say something like that without meaning it!

[ the minute lev sits up yaku has to crane his neck to look at him (which pisses him off, but yaku is too fucking dumbstruck by his idiot kohai for him to properly be mad about it at the moment) and he's left staring at him at as he just curls towards the bed like he's made of water.

yaku feels a migraine coming on.

he shakes his head, slowly the first time, and then a little faster, scoffing a little 'tchh' noise and silently wondering to himself how lev's going to avoid trouble being that sincere for the rest of his life as he settles on the bed next to him. yaku's legs are still stretched out near where lev's sitting, and he looks down before looking back up and meeting that stupid bright smile.

god dammit.]

You're ridiculous. [ he starts, his face reddening. ] And an idiot. [ for good measure. ] You're only fifteen, you don't actually love me, don't be a moron.

[ Wiggling and shifting his weight back and forth, as if he's adjusting his position on his knees as he hunches down, Lev lets his shoulders rise up to his ears before they curl down again. It's the stupidest looking shrug for the stupidest boy, but it's whatever. He's fine with people thinking he's stupid, because maybe they're right, but he knows a lot about the things that are important to him.

What he doesn't know, he's learning. But Lev does know that he's in love with Yaku, and that that's probably not going to change any time soon. ]

It's okay, Yaku-san. I know that I love you, even if I'm really young! [ As if he's some all-knowing guru, he just beams at his senpai, positively unperturbed by what he's saying. After all, that might be true for a lot of people, but he's pretty sure that there's no one else out there for him. Yaku? There's probably plenty of perfect people for him, and he would deserve only the best! Lev knows that, so that's why he has to become the best.

He reaches out, grabbing hold of Yaku's hands in his big ones, curling long fingers until they've completely enveloped the smaller ones. ] And you don't have to love me back.

[ should yaku even be surprised by the earnestness of this response? no. no, he should be used to this from lev, who is brutally honest at his absolute best and annoying and tactless at his worst, and yet. and yet, here's yaku with pink cheeks and a heart that's skipped six and a half beats, because how else do you react to someone confessing their love to you like they're reading off their order at a restaurant? ]

Unbelievable. [ he mumbles, watching the motions as lev reaches out for him to take his hands. yaku has always had small fingers--his mom liked to say he was delicate, which he found untrue--and lev's are huge and long like a pianists, the kind of thing that would give power to his whip spikes once he learned how to hit sets all the time. yaku, though he would be hard pressed to admit it, does like lev's hands. since they started this...this, he's become fairly acquainted with them (to say the least) and they're nice. he's about to maybe say something about it, or at least bury the feelings forever, when lev tells him you don't have to love me back.

there's a stab of guilt deep in his stomach, and yaku sighs, dropping his head. god. ]

Like. [ he starts there, taking in a deep breath and putting on his best I'm Teaching You, You Idiot, So You Better Lesson (the one that works on kuroo exactly once a semester). ] That's what you're looking for. You can say "really, really" if that makes you feel better, but it's not..

[ yaku sighs. ] Look, I don't--that. Let's get that clear. [ he pulls his hand out of his grip, but it's only for a second--the flustered, annoyed look on yaku's face doesn't really match up with his tone, and he reaches up to cup lev's cheeks in his small hands, having to get up on his knees to crawl over a little closer, and enjoying a very temporary height boost. ] You're annoying, and you don't ever learn. Anything. No matter how many times I try to get it through your head. You keep acting like you're an ace, and you can barely play volleyball, and it's embarrassing.

[ but you work hard. but you're earnest. but you're kind of funny sometimes. but you're warm to sleep with at night and i think i probably really, really love you too. ]

But I don't...hate you. [ he glances away, slowly turning redder and redder by the second. ] Or really dislike you that much. I guess.

[ Perhaps anyone else would be disappointed or upset at what could very well be rejection. Lev, however, doesn't feel the sinking feeling that should come with it. He knows, he does, that this is a little unbelievable. He can understand that much. But he also knows without a doubt that he'll become someone that Yaku could love, so he's okay with that, with waiting for him to love him back. It's sad, and he'll probably have to work even harder than he already does now, but maybe by the time he's graduating, then Yaku will say the same.

Besides, this isn't all bad. Yaku lets him sleep in his bed, and hold him, and play with his small, delicate hands. He lets him run his long fingers through his hair, and sometimes even pick him up if Lev manages to bite back his blunt remarks about his height. (He picks him up even then, but he usually gets hit for those moments.)

And here he is, with his lecturing voice in play. Lev visibly goes on point, perking and staring intently at him. He doesn't even really protest when he pulls his hands away, save for the twitch of his fingers, but then he goes very, very still when he feels those hands on his face. His eyes go wide, but he does listen, like he's absorbing every word that he's saying.

Once he's done, a smile bursts out across his face again, as if amazed. ]

I really, really like you, Yaku-san. And I know I'm not the best, yet, but I'm gonna work really hard until I am! Because I want to help my senpai, when you're gone, and the kouhai that'll come after me, and you only deserve the best!

[ Without further ado, he surges forward - but it's not for a kiss. Instead, he gently headbutts him, nuzzling their foreheads together, silver hair flopping on top of Yaku's tawny. ]

[ see, the thing about this surge forward is that yaku could have stayed still. honestly? he's a libero. he knows how to throw his body weight around, small as it is. it's why his kicks to the ass are so deadly (and why he can throw a mean elbow when it comes to certain kohai draping over him like he's an armrest.) there's no reason for this to have moved him at all.

no, the reason is that there's a surge of emotion that's sort of overwhelming that rises up in his chest. it's fondness, impossible, warm fondness, and yaku's left staring at his dumb kohai as he starts to come closer with his mouth a little open and his cheeks bright red. he should be used to these sort of comments from lev, but this one was so...sincere, it almost hurt to look at him. no shitty comment about how he's an ace. no height jokes. nothing, just this kid who really does want to do his best at--everything. even if that everything includes a crush on him of all people, three years older and half his size.

so, when lev surges forward, yaku lets gravity take over, flopping backwards on his back so he can get a good look at him. his small hands come up to thread into his silver hair, absently, and the look he gives him is warm. ]

You're an idiot. [ he says, but in that tone of voice, it almost sounds like a petname. ]

[ Someday, Lev will be the ace. Someday, Lev will lead Nekoma to victory. He doesn't think he has what it takes to be captain - only Kuroo has that, and he doesn't know who among his senpai will take his place when he graduates, but he knows they'll do great! - but maybe by the time he really is the ace he'll be in the position to become the captain, too. Someday, Yaku will love him back the way that Lev loves him, and everything will be great. They don't have to get married right away, but he'd really like if that happened, too.

But, for now, this is good, too.

Catching himself on his forearms, so that he doesn't land on top of Yaku - resilient as he is, he doesn't want to wind him, that might get him an elbow or a punch to the heead - and he just... looks down at him, eyes still wide in that earnest, adoring way that he has when he's being sincere. When Yaku is like this, it feels like his heart grows in his chest, and it makes everything better. And, really, it does. He thinks Yaku is funny when he's mean, when he kicks him in the ass or gives him a lecture.

But he likes this Yaku, too. So Lev just smiles at him, softer, less of a beaming grin, but warm and stupidly in love all the same. ]

I know, Yaku-san. [ And it's the tone of voice that has him ducking down, kissing him. ]

[ this is going nowhere, and yaku's sure of it. someone (the vaguely kuroo sounding voice in the back of his head that pops up every now and then) would tell yaku that he's overthinking as usual, but he's not, he's just...being cautious. after all, lev is a first year, with a bright future ahead of him (maybe) and yaku's got...college. university. time playing as a libero for a few more years, working on his studies. he wants to be a nurse and that's not an easy job--there's no way he's going to make time. if he keeps rationalizing it like that, then maybe it will stop hurting so much imagining letting it go.

especially when he smiles at him like that, soft and warm and so, so amazingly sincere. if there's one thing about haiba lev, it's that he's sincere and genuine about everything--he's not the brightest guy in the world, but he's got a big heart, and he never, ever gives up on anything.

even being in love with his senpai, apparently.

so for a moment, yaku returns the smile, a quiet twitch at the corner of his mouth, and returns the kiss without any fuss, lifting a small hand to thread into his hair. ]

[ Maybe if he were smarter, Lev would realize that this doesn't have that great a shot in the longrun. It's going to be a long time before he graduates, and Yaku will have gone off to do wonderful things before too long, will be in nursing school and using those beautiful, worn, small hands to heal people. And Lev... Lev doesn't know what he's going to wind up doing. As the middle son of a large family, they're all doing different things, and his parents are essentially lax with what they all decide to do.

So long as they do something productive with themselves. He just wants to play volleyball with his friends, become someone they can depend on. Maybe he'll go pro? That would be amazing.

But, he's not the type to think about his future in the long term. Not the way other people do. Becoming the ace, earning Yaku's love, marrying him someday. That's about all he cares about right now.

Well, in the future tense, anyways. Right now, he just wants to kiss Yaku, fingers stroking through his short hair, knuckles brushing across the warm curve of his cheek, happy. Content. ]

[ don't let yaku know that's what you're thinking, lev. he might die (and you might also die from the ensuing reaction.) lev is a mess, an absolute disaster with too many limbs and too much length and in general, just too much, but yaku's kind of enjoyed watching him grow. as a player and as a person both--if he can get his head out of his ass once the third years leave, he could be a very, very formidable weapon for nekoma, and maybe a little less of an idiot.

(yaku's not really counting on that one; it's gross that he's starting to find it kind of endearing.)

at the moment, that endearment's what has him returning the kiss, tipping up a little into the brush of his knuckles--that tender little touch sets off sparks, and he flushes underneath his touch unconsciously, slowly reddening as always with physical contact like this. it's a little different than how he feels towards most of his kohai--kenma inspires just the urge to protect him at all cost, tora inspires the need to smack someone in the back of the head. lev is somewhere between both of those things, a desire to choke him but also a desire to kiss him.

god. ]

'cause somebody stole my car radio

hi

<3

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