laography | 'cause somebody stole my car radio

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'cause somebody stole my car radio

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❝ and now i just sit in silence. ❞

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THIS POST HAS POTENTIAL TO BECOME NSFW.

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[ Wiggling and shifting his weight back and forth, as if he's adjusting his position on his knees as he hunches down, Lev lets his shoulders rise up to his ears before they curl down again. It's the stupidest looking shrug for the stupidest boy, but it's whatever. He's fine with people thinking he's stupid, because maybe they're right, but he knows a lot about the things that are important to him.

What he doesn't know, he's learning. But Lev does know that he's in love with Yaku, and that that's probably not going to change any time soon. ]

It's okay, Yaku-san. I know that I love you, even if I'm really young! [ As if he's some all-knowing guru, he just beams at his senpai, positively unperturbed by what he's saying. After all, that might be true for a lot of people, but he's pretty sure that there's no one else out there for him. Yaku? There's probably plenty of perfect people for him, and he would deserve only the best! Lev knows that, so that's why he has to become the best.

He reaches out, grabbing hold of Yaku's hands in his big ones, curling long fingers until they've completely enveloped the smaller ones. ] And you don't have to love me back.

[ should yaku even be surprised by the earnestness of this response? no. no, he should be used to this from lev, who is brutally honest at his absolute best and annoying and tactless at his worst, and yet. and yet, here's yaku with pink cheeks and a heart that's skipped six and a half beats, because how else do you react to someone confessing their love to you like they're reading off their order at a restaurant? ]

Unbelievable. [ he mumbles, watching the motions as lev reaches out for him to take his hands. yaku has always had small fingers--his mom liked to say he was delicate, which he found untrue--and lev's are huge and long like a pianists, the kind of thing that would give power to his whip spikes once he learned how to hit sets all the time. yaku, though he would be hard pressed to admit it, does like lev's hands. since they started this...this, he's become fairly acquainted with them (to say the least) and they're nice. he's about to maybe say something about it, or at least bury the feelings forever, when lev tells him you don't have to love me back.

there's a stab of guilt deep in his stomach, and yaku sighs, dropping his head. god. ]

Like. [ he starts there, taking in a deep breath and putting on his best I'm Teaching You, You Idiot, So You Better Lesson (the one that works on kuroo exactly once a semester). ] That's what you're looking for. You can say "really, really" if that makes you feel better, but it's not..

[ yaku sighs. ] Look, I don't--that. Let's get that clear. [ he pulls his hand out of his grip, but it's only for a second--the flustered, annoyed look on yaku's face doesn't really match up with his tone, and he reaches up to cup lev's cheeks in his small hands, having to get up on his knees to crawl over a little closer, and enjoying a very temporary height boost. ] You're annoying, and you don't ever learn. Anything. No matter how many times I try to get it through your head. You keep acting like you're an ace, and you can barely play volleyball, and it's embarrassing.

[ but you work hard. but you're earnest. but you're kind of funny sometimes. but you're warm to sleep with at night and i think i probably really, really love you too. ]

But I don't...hate you. [ he glances away, slowly turning redder and redder by the second. ] Or really dislike you that much. I guess.

[ Perhaps anyone else would be disappointed or upset at what could very well be rejection. Lev, however, doesn't feel the sinking feeling that should come with it. He knows, he does, that this is a little unbelievable. He can understand that much. But he also knows without a doubt that he'll become someone that Yaku could love, so he's okay with that, with waiting for him to love him back. It's sad, and he'll probably have to work even harder than he already does now, but maybe by the time he's graduating, then Yaku will say the same.

Besides, this isn't all bad. Yaku lets him sleep in his bed, and hold him, and play with his small, delicate hands. He lets him run his long fingers through his hair, and sometimes even pick him up if Lev manages to bite back his blunt remarks about his height. (He picks him up even then, but he usually gets hit for those moments.)

And here he is, with his lecturing voice in play. Lev visibly goes on point, perking and staring intently at him. He doesn't even really protest when he pulls his hands away, save for the twitch of his fingers, but then he goes very, very still when he feels those hands on his face. His eyes go wide, but he does listen, like he's absorbing every word that he's saying.

Once he's done, a smile bursts out across his face again, as if amazed. ]

I really, really like you, Yaku-san. And I know I'm not the best, yet, but I'm gonna work really hard until I am! Because I want to help my senpai, when you're gone, and the kouhai that'll come after me, and you only deserve the best!

[ Without further ado, he surges forward - but it's not for a kiss. Instead, he gently headbutts him, nuzzling their foreheads together, silver hair flopping on top of Yaku's tawny. ]

[ see, the thing about this surge forward is that yaku could have stayed still. honestly? he's a libero. he knows how to throw his body weight around, small as it is. it's why his kicks to the ass are so deadly (and why he can throw a mean elbow when it comes to certain kohai draping over him like he's an armrest.) there's no reason for this to have moved him at all.

no, the reason is that there's a surge of emotion that's sort of overwhelming that rises up in his chest. it's fondness, impossible, warm fondness, and yaku's left staring at his dumb kohai as he starts to come closer with his mouth a little open and his cheeks bright red. he should be used to these sort of comments from lev, but this one was so...sincere, it almost hurt to look at him. no shitty comment about how he's an ace. no height jokes. nothing, just this kid who really does want to do his best at--everything. even if that everything includes a crush on him of all people, three years older and half his size.

so, when lev surges forward, yaku lets gravity take over, flopping backwards on his back so he can get a good look at him. his small hands come up to thread into his silver hair, absently, and the look he gives him is warm. ]

You're an idiot. [ he says, but in that tone of voice, it almost sounds like a petname. ]

[ Someday, Lev will be the ace. Someday, Lev will lead Nekoma to victory. He doesn't think he has what it takes to be captain - only Kuroo has that, and he doesn't know who among his senpai will take his place when he graduates, but he knows they'll do great! - but maybe by the time he really is the ace he'll be in the position to become the captain, too. Someday, Yaku will love him back the way that Lev loves him, and everything will be great. They don't have to get married right away, but he'd really like if that happened, too.

But, for now, this is good, too.

Catching himself on his forearms, so that he doesn't land on top of Yaku - resilient as he is, he doesn't want to wind him, that might get him an elbow or a punch to the heead - and he just... looks down at him, eyes still wide in that earnest, adoring way that he has when he's being sincere. When Yaku is like this, it feels like his heart grows in his chest, and it makes everything better. And, really, it does. He thinks Yaku is funny when he's mean, when he kicks him in the ass or gives him a lecture.

But he likes this Yaku, too. So Lev just smiles at him, softer, less of a beaming grin, but warm and stupidly in love all the same. ]

I know, Yaku-san. [ And it's the tone of voice that has him ducking down, kissing him. ]

[ this is going nowhere, and yaku's sure of it. someone (the vaguely kuroo sounding voice in the back of his head that pops up every now and then) would tell yaku that he's overthinking as usual, but he's not, he's just...being cautious. after all, lev is a first year, with a bright future ahead of him (maybe) and yaku's got...college. university. time playing as a libero for a few more years, working on his studies. he wants to be a nurse and that's not an easy job--there's no way he's going to make time. if he keeps rationalizing it like that, then maybe it will stop hurting so much imagining letting it go.

especially when he smiles at him like that, soft and warm and so, so amazingly sincere. if there's one thing about haiba lev, it's that he's sincere and genuine about everything--he's not the brightest guy in the world, but he's got a big heart, and he never, ever gives up on anything.

even being in love with his senpai, apparently.

so for a moment, yaku returns the smile, a quiet twitch at the corner of his mouth, and returns the kiss without any fuss, lifting a small hand to thread into his hair. ]

[ Maybe if he were smarter, Lev would realize that this doesn't have that great a shot in the longrun. It's going to be a long time before he graduates, and Yaku will have gone off to do wonderful things before too long, will be in nursing school and using those beautiful, worn, small hands to heal people. And Lev... Lev doesn't know what he's going to wind up doing. As the middle son of a large family, they're all doing different things, and his parents are essentially lax with what they all decide to do.

So long as they do something productive with themselves. He just wants to play volleyball with his friends, become someone they can depend on. Maybe he'll go pro? That would be amazing.

But, he's not the type to think about his future in the long term. Not the way other people do. Becoming the ace, earning Yaku's love, marrying him someday. That's about all he cares about right now.

Well, in the future tense, anyways. Right now, he just wants to kiss Yaku, fingers stroking through his short hair, knuckles brushing across the warm curve of his cheek, happy. Content. ]

[ don't let yaku know that's what you're thinking, lev. he might die (and you might also die from the ensuing reaction.) lev is a mess, an absolute disaster with too many limbs and too much length and in general, just too much, but yaku's kind of enjoyed watching him grow. as a player and as a person both--if he can get his head out of his ass once the third years leave, he could be a very, very formidable weapon for nekoma, and maybe a little less of an idiot.

(yaku's not really counting on that one; it's gross that he's starting to find it kind of endearing.)

at the moment, that endearment's what has him returning the kiss, tipping up a little into the brush of his knuckles--that tender little touch sets off sparks, and he flushes underneath his touch unconsciously, slowly reddening as always with physical contact like this. it's a little different than how he feels towards most of his kohai--kenma inspires just the urge to protect him at all cost, tora inspires the need to smack someone in the back of the head. lev is somewhere between both of those things, a desire to choke him but also a desire to kiss him.

god. ]

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'cause somebody stole my car radio

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