laography | if i was not myself, and you were someone else

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if i was not myself, and you were someone else

[ With winter break fast approaching for the grade schoolers seated in front of her, Tatiana could only smile wide at their anxiousness to get out of the classroom and bound through the snow. There was no way she could blame them, of course; while she thrilled at the life that bloomed in spring, there was just something about winter that, well. Warmed her. It was a silly thing that she never spoke of with anyone else, but she felt it every time the snow fell.

As it was, then. She looked out the window with a soft smile, hands folded behind her back as her thoughts rushed a mile a minute. All the snowmen, and snow angels, the snowball fights and sledding and ice skating and hot chocolate and holly. So much to do in one season, it was almost impossible to decide where one should start.

Clasping her hands together, she addressed the group of young children wriggling in their seats. ]

All right, everyone! The bell's going to ring very soon, but I just wanted to wish you all a fantastic winter break! Happy Holidays! Make sure you all bundle up, you don't want the cold nipping along after you, do you?

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[ For a long moment, Tooth simply stared at him, trying to figure out whether she was seeing things or not. He couldn't have gotten in without her hearing him, and yet here he was, on the window sill. Debating if she should call for someone, she bit her bottom lip behind her hands, worrying at it before she lowered her arms.

Opening her mouth... ]

Jack?

[ ... she just looked at him, confused and not sure where the name came from. Where he came from. But it sounded right, felt right. ]

[...Crap. He gave a small sigh, quietly wishing he had Sandy's powers right now and could just make her sleep and think he was a dream. For a moment Jack sat there, squatting on the sill and frozen in place, though not literally, wondering what to do. If he left now she'd probably think she was seeing things, but...

He'd really missed talking to her and being seen by her.]

Hey.

I know you.

[ When he didn't go retreating through the window, Tooth took a tentative step forward. Her tone held a great deal of confusion, but under it all was a note of wonder. She did. She knew him, had seen him before and had spoken with him before this moment. ]

I do.

[ More certain, that time, she brought a hand up as if she was going to reach for him. To assure herself that he was there.

But she stopped, searching his face, her own falling slightly. ]

I just don't...

[He waited for her to make a move, not wanting to scare her off, chewing gently on his bottom lip. He hadn't meant to make this happen but now he couldn't help but wonder if it was fate, somehow, like the Man in the Moon had planned this out or something. Jack stood from his seat on the window sill and tapped his staff against his shoulder, finishing her sentence for her.]

Remember me?

[He lightly stepped off the sill, making like he was falling off before he floated along a small updraft of wind, turning around to look at her as he pulled his staff closer.]

You should. I mean you've only been warning the kids about me nipping their noses all week.

[ Her eyes widened a little as he moved off the sill, both hands raising in what would become an aborted motion to catch him before he fell. Which was silly, she realized suddenly, because Jack would never fall. Not when he had the wind at his side.

Where did that come from? ]

Well, it's supposed to be very cold this winter--!

[ A little flustered at the comment, she paused and turned to face him properly again, looking as if a light had gone off in her mind. Pointing at him, she leaned into his space, into what felt like a familiar position. ]

You've been spying on my class all week?

Ain't nobody that knows that better than me.

[He just calmly floats there like it's no big deal, leaning against his staff. When she leaned in he stayed where he was, giving a sheepish grin, shrugging.]

Well I never went to school when I was alive. Besides, you're a great teacher.

Well, no, I don't imagine there is.

[ Considering him, she settles flat on her feet and laces her fingers together loosely, hands held over her sternum as she thinks. It's a very heavy comment that he makes, but while it makes her sad to hear she... also feels like that's something she already knew. This entire scene is exponentially confusing, and her head is starting to hurt a little. ]

Thank you. I try to make the lessons fun-- are they fun? I mean, even if you don't participate in the activities? Because I hope they are, you should have fun while you're learning, I think it really makes it mean more when you do.

[ At the very least, she hasn't lost the ability to talk at a mile a minute. ]

[At least she's not questioning his existence. It's kind of nice to chat with someone that's not Pitch. Jack curls his legs up and sits crosslegged in the air, draping his staff across his lap and his arms on his knees, giving a smile when she asks if her lessons are fun.]

Since fun's practically my middle name I think I can give your class an A+, Miss Tooth.

Fantastic! Funtastic, even. Everyone just seems so down, I want to brighten things up a little for them if I can.

[ She smiles wide, all teeth and good cheer, pleased to hear that the master of fun himself has given her a passing grade. Which, again, what a silly thought. But it still makes her happy, and it shows.

But while she doesn't quite want to question his existence, for fear that she's imagining things, she does have one question. ]

Can anyone else see you?

[Jack knows the very reason why everyone seems so down but he doesn't say anything, and his face gives a small grimace as he starts to float again, rolling onto his back. If she doesn't remember her life as a Guardian then it's not his place to tell her about what's been going on. Even though, with all reasoning, he SHOULD. He reaches into the pocket of his hoodie, fingering the baby teeth casing deep inside the pocket.

At her question, he shrugs.]

Depends on if they believe in me.

[ The more they talk, the more something nags at her subconscious. She's missing something, has been ever since she started teaching. The kids are all tired, sad, afraid. They don't believe her when she talks about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, though they're at the age where their beliefs would be the strongest. It's so upsetting to her, some days.

But she stays strong, and now she's talking to someone who has the same level of fame. ]

That... [ Sounds so familiar. So sad. Lonely. ] I talked about you a lot, but I don't think I ever really believed until now.

You believed in me once before. A long time ago.

[She was the one who had embraced his becoming a Guardian the most aside from North, had encouraged him to help them against Pitch.

Something he'd thrown back in their faces when he joined the King of Nightmares.

He starts to float casually on his side before uprighting himself again, landing on his feet in front of her. Almost immediately ice spreads from his feet across the floor, but only in a small dose.]

It feels like I did.

[ She watches as the ice spreads across the floor, hands still held close to her body as she thinks over his words. Something in her chest aches with that thought, beyond more than just missing someone you used to care about. Because she knows him. She believes in him, and has for a very long time, but there's just a Jack Frost shaped void in her memories. Which already feel scattered, something that's always bothered her.

Without looking up from the floor, where she's studying the pattern of ice, she reaches out for him again. This time, slender fingers curl in the material of his hoodie, grasping loosely at first before tightening when it registers that he's really there.

She doesn't want him to go again. ]

[He jerks a little when she takes hold of his hoodie, shoulders twitching slightly. He's not used to people like that. Even the kids who can see him are always afraid of him (something he figured Pitch had a hand in). Hesitantly, he brings his free hand up to place it on her shoulder, gently brushing his thumb over the curve before he manages to speak, licking his lips as he lets out a shuddering breath.]

Tooth...

I don't remember you, Jack.

[ Her shoulders scrunch a little beneath his touch, but she doesn't pull away from him. Though she tries to remain steady, Tooth can't help the way her voice softens, almost shakes a little as it really hits her with the familiar chill under her fingers and against her shoulder. Something happened-- to her, to them-- to cause this, and it hurts. ]

Why don't I remember you?

[The chill thrums against her like a steady heartbeat at her words, his fingers curling around her shoulder before he let go, shifting his hand back into the pocket of his hoodie as his other tightened around the length of his staff. If he let her remember, if he let her regain her memories, would she hate him? Would she be angry with him?

His fingers curled around the curve of the casing in his pocket before he lifted his staff to shoulder it, looking down at the floor between them.]

I'm sorry.

[ Everything about this is so wrong, so very, very wrong, and her heart aches with it as she tries to keep up with her thoughts and emotions. But the gentle, if cold, thrum is comforting, and she can't help but lean into it until it leaves her. But as it does, she leans a little closer, as if following a pull that's caused by Jack's simple presence, the frosty air around him.

Reaching her free hand up, she brings it up to touch his cheek gently, a sad smile curling at the corners of her mouth. ]

Whatever it was, you're here now. You came back.

[His breath hitches in his throat when she reaches up to touch his cheek, staring down at her, a little fright in his eyes when she leans in closer, as though her touch will burn him. He reaches up to cup his hand around Tooth's, but the small jar at the edge of his pocket is enough for the baby teeth case to fall out and clatter to the floor.]

[ Though she hears the clatter of the case, sees a familiar flash of gold at the corner of her vision, her focus is on Jack. Her eyes search his face again, catching that fright and every little shift in his expression from the touch. A part of her is almost afraid that she will burn him, as she feels that cold under her fingertips. But it's so alive, and it's Jack, and he looks so lost.

She releases his hoodie, slips her hand out from beneath his, if only so she can bring her arms up to hook them around his neck and pull him into a tight hug. ]

[When her arms go around his neck, it's almost like the whole world stops. His eyes go wide, his staff following the case to the floor when it slips from his fingers. He doesn't know what to do, though that's hardly anything new. He probably feels like death itself to her, with how cold he is.

Slowly, reaching up, he places his hands on the small of her back, burying his face against her shoulder, breathing in her scent. Tooth is probably the one Guardian he's missed the most, and some part inside of him aches.]

[ The press of his body against hers chills her to the bone, combined with the window having been open the entire time, but she doesn't pull away. Because he needs this-- she needs this-- and even with the way she wants to shiver, it's all familiar. It feels a little off, as if it's almost too cold, but that doesn't make sense.

Then again, a lot of the feelings that strike her make so very little sense.

Tucking her face into his shoulder in return, she brings a hand up to settle at the back of his head gently. It's just as cold, of course, but the softness feels like such a contrast to her. ]

It's okay, Jack.

[He feels like crying. How can she say it's okay when she doesn't even remember what happened to her? His fingers clench in her shirt and he feels weak at the knees, feeling as though he should have just fled from the window when she first laid eyes on him. Jack bites his lip and shakes his head, even as all he wants to do is disappear through the floor.]

It's not okay.

It will be.

[ Everything hurts, from her head to her heart, to where she's holding on tight to everything that embodies winter. But she doesn't want to let go, because this is what's always warmed her about winter, this connection that she lost and doesn't want to let go of again. She feels like she needs to pull back, to look at him, but she can't make herself do it yet.

Tooth curls her fingers into his hair carefully instead, her other hand gripping at the back of his sweatshirt. ]

You just have to believe it will be.

[It hurts to remember that he was the one who did this to her, because he thought Pitch could offer him a path other than becoming a Guardian, because he thought they were the same. It became painfully obvious afterwards that they were different. So very, very different. But by then it was too late.

Jack pulls himself away from her a little, finding himself a bit overwhelmed by everything. Summoning a chilling wind, he used it to pick up the baby teeth case from the floor, wrapping his fingers around it and lifting it up to show her.]

This is yours.

[ Succumbing to nightmares can sometimes be the easiest path in life, rather than fighting them. Even now, going by a foreign yet similar name, Tooth knows this in her bones.

She looks up at him as he pulls away from her, dropping her hand from the back of his head to his shoulder as the wind brings up the case. There's something about seeing it, something that brightens her eyes in familiarity and relief. Tentatively, she reaches to take it from him in both hands, standing close to him still as she traces her fingertips across the flat, smooth surface at the top of it. ]

This is...

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