laography | if i was not myself, and you were someone else

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if i was not myself, and you were someone else

[ With winter break fast approaching for the grade schoolers seated in front of her, Tatiana could only smile wide at their anxiousness to get out of the classroom and bound through the snow. There was no way she could blame them, of course; while she thrilled at the life that bloomed in spring, there was just something about winter that, well. Warmed her. It was a silly thing that she never spoke of with anyone else, but she felt it every time the snow fell.

As it was, then. She looked out the window with a soft smile, hands folded behind her back as her thoughts rushed a mile a minute. All the snowmen, and snow angels, the snowball fights and sledding and ice skating and hot chocolate and holly. So much to do in one season, it was almost impossible to decide where one should start.

Clasping her hands together, she addressed the group of young children wriggling in their seats. ]

All right, everyone! The bell's going to ring very soon, but I just wanted to wish you all a fantastic winter break! Happy Holidays! Make sure you all bundle up, you don't want the cold nipping along after you, do you?

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[ The press of his body against hers chills her to the bone, combined with the window having been open the entire time, but she doesn't pull away. Because he needs this-- she needs this-- and even with the way she wants to shiver, it's all familiar. It feels a little off, as if it's almost too cold, but that doesn't make sense.

Then again, a lot of the feelings that strike her make so very little sense.

Tucking her face into his shoulder in return, she brings a hand up to settle at the back of his head gently. It's just as cold, of course, but the softness feels like such a contrast to her. ]

It's okay, Jack.

[He feels like crying. How can she say it's okay when she doesn't even remember what happened to her? His fingers clench in her shirt and he feels weak at the knees, feeling as though he should have just fled from the window when she first laid eyes on him. Jack bites his lip and shakes his head, even as all he wants to do is disappear through the floor.]

It's not okay.

It will be.

[ Everything hurts, from her head to her heart, to where she's holding on tight to everything that embodies winter. But she doesn't want to let go, because this is what's always warmed her about winter, this connection that she lost and doesn't want to let go of again. She feels like she needs to pull back, to look at him, but she can't make herself do it yet.

Tooth curls her fingers into his hair carefully instead, her other hand gripping at the back of his sweatshirt. ]

You just have to believe it will be.

[It hurts to remember that he was the one who did this to her, because he thought Pitch could offer him a path other than becoming a Guardian, because he thought they were the same. It became painfully obvious afterwards that they were different. So very, very different. But by then it was too late.

Jack pulls himself away from her a little, finding himself a bit overwhelmed by everything. Summoning a chilling wind, he used it to pick up the baby teeth case from the floor, wrapping his fingers around it and lifting it up to show her.]

This is yours.

[ Succumbing to nightmares can sometimes be the easiest path in life, rather than fighting them. Even now, going by a foreign yet similar name, Tooth knows this in her bones.

She looks up at him as he pulls away from her, dropping her hand from the back of his head to his shoulder as the wind brings up the case. There's something about seeing it, something that brightens her eyes in familiarity and relief. Tentatively, she reaches to take it from him in both hands, standing close to him still as she traces her fingertips across the flat, smooth surface at the top of it. ]

This is...

I wasn't supposed to give them to you.

[He reaches to cup his hands around hers, around the casing, his milky white fingers encompassing her own tiny ones. He lets out a small breath, looking down at the cylindrical box between them before looking back at her, watching her face go through the motions.]

The kids need you to remember. [A pause before he adds quietly;] I need you to remember.

[ A laugh escapes her, quick and breathless and a little watery at his words. These are important, something that's been gone from her life for so long. And now here they are, with so much weight supported in her delicate fingers, in his hands.

Her eyes lift to him for a moment, before back down to the cylinder they hold. Without even second guessing whether what she's doing is correct or not, she presses her fingertips against the center of the design, breathing in sharply as it opens up.

And in the light, everything comes flying back. Memories of childhood, of an old home with a happy family and the friends that surrounded her. Of flights, of fights. Of the children she visited, leaving trinkets and baubles for in exchange for something to remind them of the joy they once had in their times of need.

Of being chosen. Of the Guardians. Her friends, her new family.

Of Jack. Pitch.

She closes her eyes tightly, head bowing forward as one hand raises to cover her mouth to try and hold back tears. ]

[He knows when she places her hand to her mouth that she remembers. It's not hard to tell. Jack lets his hands fall from hers, picking up his staff and holding it close to him. He stayed quiet, letting her get used to the feeling of remembering everything, so many memories that she would have forgotten, of being a Guardian, even of her past before that.

He doesn't say anything, too afraid of what she might say should he speak.]

Edited 2012-12-08 05:39 (UTC)

[ Shoulders shaking a little as she tries to keep the well of emotions and memories from flooding over, she takes a deep breath, clutching the container to her chest. It's too much at once, too much of what was missing and now her head spins with it. But she swallows it down, even as she can feel the tears welling in her eyes. Nicholas, and Bunnymund... Sandy, even, the oldest of them all. All of them, gone.

Everything aches with the knowledge of Jack's betrayal, but instead of lash out at him, or push him away, or rebuke him for what he'd done, she steps in a little closer.

Her forehead rests at his collar, and she lowers her hand from her mouth to curl into his hoodie again. ]

Why?

[He draws his staff close, clutching it close to his chest as he waits. What for he doesn't know. Part of him wants her to react, to lash out, but when she asks the very question he'd been hoping she wouldn't say, he closed his eyes and looks away, wondering why she was staying close to him.]

You don't know what it's like, living three hundred years and nobody seeing you even though you're right there.

But siding with him...

[ She bites her lip, fisting her hand in the cold material beneath it. There's nothing she can really do to stop him from leaving, if he really wanted to. Even with her memories, no one believes in her. The Guardians are, essentially, disbanded. She's practically human, and it's so foreign to her despite having lived that way since she lost her memories. She has no strength to stand in his way.

But she holds on anyways. ]

Jack, if they believe in you now, if they see you now, it's not for who you really are. It's because they're afraid.

I know.

[Oh Jack knows. He knows by the way kids look at him, the wonder and fear in their eyes. It's not the same joy he used to see on their faces, and instead of laughter they scream when they feel the frosty air. Like he was a monster from their darkest nightmares.]

I used to think it wouldn't matter if they feared me. [He opens his eyes.] I was wrong.

No matter what loneliness did to you, you care about them.

[ The ache Tooth feels now is for him, for what he must've gone through alone. Looking up at him again finally, eyes wet and wide and right again, bright violet despite the pain in them, she presses the cylinder case against his chest. Over his heart. ]

You care. You found me again, and you brought me this. You helped me remember, despite everything. [ Her jaw sets, and her brow furrows. ] So I'm going to help you now.

[He swallowed deeply when he hears those words, lips quirking into a small smile. He can see in her eyes that she's back, that she means what she said about helping him. They had a lot to do. North, Bunny, Sandy...they needed to restore the other Guardians before they could do anything about Pitch.]

Thank you.

Friends help each other, regardless of what happens.

[ Her determination doesn't leave her, but she does smile up at him, releasing his hoodie so she can touch his face again with a small hand. Thumb sweeping over the curve of his cheek, as if he's the one that looks like he's on the verge of tears, she shakes her head. ]

I remember you, Jack Frost. And I will always believe in you.

[Jack paused when she said that, a chuckle leaving his throat as he reached up to take the hand near his cheek. It was...nice...being believed in. Being believed in in a way that didn't involve fear.]

I guess that makes three of us...well...two and a half.

Two and a half..?

[ Her confusion is obvious, brow furrowing for another reason entirely now as she looks up at him. Of course there's the two of them, but who would count as half? Hopefully not a child, they counted for far more than that.

Did one of the other Guardians survive in some way? Like she had? ]

One second I think he's been sleeping.

[Jack props his staff against a desk and reaches back behind his head with both of his hands, lifting something out of his hood. When he brings his hands back over his head, he's holding onto a fluffy grey bunny.]

By two and a half I mean Cottontail here.

[ A sharp gasp escapes Tooth, and if she had her feathers still, they would've been poofing up in surprise and delight. It's awful that the Guardian of Hope has been reduced to this form, but it's so good to see that he's alive. ]

Bunnymund! Have you been taking care of him all this time?

[ Unable to help herself, she reaches out to gently touch between his ears. Almost as if assessing his condition, and assuring herself that he's all right. ]

[Bunnymund twitches in Jack's hands and the winter spirit gives a smile when she reaches out to pet him. He has to admit, the big pooka's a bit cute like this, especially since it keeps his mouth shut.]

Guess you could say he was a stand in for my conscious. Wouldn't leave me alone until I paid attention to him. [He frowns for a moment.] He hasn't talked since the kids stopped believing in Easter.

[ Tooth continues to gently stroke at Bunnymund's forehead with her fingers, relieved that he's... well, for the most part all right. He couldn't have handled being shrunken down and muted very well, but she knows that he would've done anything to keep an eye on Jack, no matter what happened between them. ]

Then he's still doing his job. [ A smile, though there's a sad twist to it. ] I hate that we'll have so long to wait until Easter.

[ And then it occurs to her. Christmas. ]

Do you know what happened to Nicholas?

[He rearranges his grip on Bunnymund and holds him closer to his chest. Luckily for him, the little furball's half asleep and not protesting much to being held like a household pet. At the mention of North, he frowns, running his fingers along Bunnymund's neck fur.]

I tracked him down to Russia. If anything, the guy's about as cliche as a love story. He's working in a toy factory.

Nothing would be able to stand between him and creating toys for children.

[ And she supposes that can be applied to her, as well. Teaching created memories, ones that many hoped children would hold onto. Much as being a dentist, of all things, would probably suit her, in hindsight being a teacher tied her so closely to what she wanted to protect and nourish. ]

Do you... do you have his case?

[Pulling one of her hands from under Bunnymund, Jack rummages around in his pocket until he fishes out another case, showing it to her.]

I snatched it and yours when I left Pitch's this morning.

Jack...

[ She wants to throw her arms around him again, hold onto him tight because he left Pitch's. Maybe to some that wouldn't seem like him defecting, but to Tooth it's a leap in the right direction. There's no hesitation in her reaching out to take it, familiarity in her touch as she looks at the cheerful face at one end of it. ]

We'll be able to fix this. We will.

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bringsthefrost - 2012-12-08 07:27 (UTC) - Expand

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dentistry - 2012-12-08 07:30 (UTC) - Expand

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