[ souji seems just as calm and unaffected as he always does, like being called out to the flood plain in the middle of the night and hitting on your male best friend are all perfectly normal things. it makes yosuke feel reassured and off-kilter all at once; painfully aware that he's flushed and panting and still wearing his rumpled pajamas, jeez. ]
I --
[ he opens his mouth and takes a step forward, then clamps it shut again and drops his gaze down to his feet just as quickly. his heart is trying to climb up into his throat, he's uncomfortably aware of just how sweaty his palms are, and there's a part of him that wants to turn around and just bolt in the opposite direction, but. souji's looked at all the ugliest parts of yosuke without ever flinching, and...
... the least yosuke can do is nut up. ]
When the -- [ he swallows thickly, tries again. meeting souji's calm gaze directly is still too much, so he settles on speaking intently to a blade of grass at his feet. ] When the whole Kanji thing was going on, I was --
[ there's another pause, but this one is just a heartbeat before he blurts: ] I was a dick.
[ The thing about Souji, and what has always been the thing about Souji, is the fact that everything is internal. All of his thoughts, all of his feelings, everything - it's always been internalized and processed, before he lets it out. It's a habit he still hasn't broken himself of, over the past near-year, but he's been working on it. His friends bring out parts of him that he doesn't share with anyone else, each of them unique.
(It's why Yosuke will always be his partner, but each and every one of them is a best friend to him, valued equally but in a different way each.)
Yosuke's gaze dropping leads to him missing the way that he bites his lip, briefly, but he takes another deep breath and moves forward. Not enough that he can feel the warmth radiating off of Yosuke, but enough that his worn shoes probably enter the peripheral where he's staring so intently at the grass. ]
You were. [ Souji is gentle when he agrees, at least. ] But I know you didn't do it out of malice.
[ And he'll have to get Yosuke to apologize to Kanji, later. Get him to talk to him, at least enough to say he's sorry for how he was treating him. He needs to talk to the others about it, too - Kanji has been the butt of those jokes for too long now. ]
[ well, that's out, at least. but it's still not really what he wants to say, and the next part is harder. so he keeps his gaze locked stubbornly on souji's feet, because if he looks up and catches his partner's expression, he'll lose his nerve for sure. ]
But I don't -- [ the words pile up in his throat like a traffic accident, all blaring horns and screeching brakes. and he chokes on them, struggles to swallow down the kneejerk backpedal that tries to pour up into the place of what he wants to say. there's a very real urge to back away from all of this, to run, because it's terrifying (even if it is souji). turning the possibility of it over in his head was so much easier when he was alone, staring up at his bedroom ceiling in the dark and letting himself imagine what it might be like.
to date souji. to hold his hand. to even kiss him, maybe, and not care if he was a guy because he was souji, and that's what really mattered. ]
I, uh. [ and he chokes out a laugh, reaching up to rub at the nape of his neck. ] Damn, talk about an uncool delivery, huh?
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I --
[ he opens his mouth and takes a step forward, then clamps it shut again and drops his gaze down to his feet just as quickly. his heart is trying to climb up into his throat, he's uncomfortably aware of just how sweaty his palms are, and there's a part of him that wants to turn around and just bolt in the opposite direction, but. souji's looked at all the ugliest parts of yosuke without ever flinching, and...
... the least yosuke can do is nut up. ]
When the -- [ he swallows thickly, tries again. meeting souji's calm gaze directly is still too much, so he settles on speaking intently to a blade of grass at his feet. ] When the whole Kanji thing was going on, I was --
[ there's another pause, but this one is just a heartbeat before he blurts: ] I was a dick.
no subject
(It's why Yosuke will always be his partner, but each and every one of them is a best friend to him, valued equally but in a different way each.)
Yosuke's gaze dropping leads to him missing the way that he bites his lip, briefly, but he takes another deep breath and moves forward. Not enough that he can feel the warmth radiating off of Yosuke, but enough that his worn shoes probably enter the peripheral where he's staring so intently at the grass. ]
You were. [ Souji is gentle when he agrees, at least. ] But I know you didn't do it out of malice.
[ And he'll have to get Yosuke to apologize to Kanji, later. Get him to talk to him, at least enough to say he's sorry for how he was treating him. He needs to talk to the others about it, too - Kanji has been the butt of those jokes for too long now. ]
no subject
But I don't -- [ the words pile up in his throat like a traffic accident, all blaring horns and screeching brakes. and he chokes on them, struggles to swallow down the kneejerk backpedal that tries to pour up into the place of what he wants to say. there's a very real urge to back away from all of this, to run, because it's terrifying (even if it is souji). turning the possibility of it over in his head was so much easier when he was alone, staring up at his bedroom ceiling in the dark and letting himself imagine what it might be like.
to date souji. to hold his hand. to even kiss him, maybe, and not care if he was a guy because he was souji, and that's what really mattered. ]
I, uh. [ and he chokes out a laugh, reaching up to rub at the nape of his neck. ] Damn, talk about an uncool delivery, huh?