Mmm... [ Iwaizumi sets the cold pack down on the edge of the bed, calmly going through his things rather than paying any attention to Oikawa. (This is a lie, he's so finely tuned to Oikawa that he knows every little thing that he's doing, knows where his mind has gone, why his voice is like that, what look must be on his face, how he's moved to sit up.) He opens his closet and pulls out the leg support pillow he bought, specifically, for the idiot boy on his bed right now.
He knows how much Oikawa hates it, hates everything that comes about because of his knee, but at least he lets Hajime see him like this. Take care of him.
Turning and approaching the bed again, he sits down and puts the support pillow at the foot, grabbing one of his pillows instead. With a bit of a fluff and a huff, he drops it into his lap and very, very gingerly picks up Oikawa's leg to set it on top. ] You're obviously already killing yourself enough right now, so my job isn't to scold you.
[ It's to take care of you, his touch says, as Iwaizumi carefully arranges the cold pack over his knee and starts to massage his calf, fingers deft and practiced as he works to take the strain caused by his knee away first. ]
[ oikawa tips his head backwards against the headboard even as iwaizumi's hands move over his leg, rubbing into the aching, sore muscles. he doesn't look at him because his pride's too great--tooru knows he's going to cry, and it does nothing but make him feel weaker and angrier. his knee is aching, throbbing so badly that it's sending stabs of pain up and down his thigh and his calf, and iwaizumi's touch is immediately soothing, helping to rub some of the neverending ache away.
he reaches up with one hand and runs his fingers through his bangs, pausing with his head on his forehead to cover his eyes with his long fingers. it feels a lot easier to think with self hatred than it does anything else--oikawa would never blame a single person on his team except for himself, because it's his job to make them their best. oikawa works and strives to make everyone on his team excel to 110% of their ability, and today, against shiratorizawa?
he failed them.
again.
the first tear drops out, sliding down his cheek, and he laughs, something bitter and self deprecating and straight up nasty. ] Iwa-chan's pitying me, I've really gone too far this time.
You went too far ages ago. [ That, that comes out in a harsher voice, an actual scolding, but still Iwaizumi remains otherwise calm and single-minded. His fingers work slowly, devoting every ounce of his attention to every stretch of sore muscle. He'll move up to his thigh, next, but when he's been limping he knows just where the most strain will have been built up. This is a process, one he's done an astounding amount of research for, and he knows each step that he needs to go through.
Breathing out a slow, steady sigh, he bows his head, letting Oikawa have a moment of privacy in their enclosed space. Once he's done with the first round of kneading out his aching body, he'll tend to the aching heart that belongs to his captain.
As the ace, it's his job to carry his team to victory, to bolster his teammates. As captain, it's Oikawa's job to bring out their potential, to keep them strong. They're both feeling the weight of the loss, the guilt of not bringing victory to their team, but Oikawa is the one that has the fifty tons of self-loathing and tender ego to contend with. ]
[ oikawa doesn't even flinch when iwaizumi yells at him--he's used to it. in fact, having him scold him feels even more familiar than him not doing it, somehow helps to soften the wall he built up around his heart to keep from showing anything on his face. for the past five or six yeas of his life, oikawa has been a fake person, constantly shifting and putting on façades and different faces in order to hide things. the times when his real emotions come out can run the gauntlet from softer with iwaizumi to something ugly and hideous, the middle schooler who was ready to punch kageyama tobio in the face for his sheer existence. this ugly part of him is always there under the surface, but more often than not, it's directed at oikawa himself.
people can dislike him, but no one hates oikawa tooru quite like oikawa tooru does.
he finally drops his hand from his face, watching iwaizumi as he tips his head back, down his nose to see his best friend. he can't see his face like this, and he wonders if it's better that way--if he can't see the look on his face. he says it's not pity, but he wonders how much of that is true. ]
No? [ he doesn't move his leg because he can't, and he huffs a little bit as he looks away again, off to the side. ] I can't be good enough, Iwa-chan. No matter what I do. That's pitiable.
[ Iwaizumi can feel a full twitch in his eye, the tension that knits his brow together, the way his shoulders go tight in response to the tone of Oikawa's voice. Again, he doesn't need to look up to know what his face is doing, and he wants to shake him, to grab him by the shoulders and yell in his face about how wrong he is about himself. About how he's the most devoted person that Hajime has ever known, about how he put his all into volleyball and into supporting Seijou that he ruined himself, cut years off of his pro career just for his high school team.
He wants to take him by the face and tell him that his real personality, beneath all those horrible layers, is fucking beautiful despite what his insecurities tell him. That he's never pitied him and never will, and will always help him out of the dark.
Slowly, he sits up, eyes keen but soft as he sets his hands on Oikawa's shin. ]
You're more than good enough, Oikawa. You always have been. I don't know where the hell you got the idea that you aren't.
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He knows how much Oikawa hates it, hates everything that comes about because of his knee, but at least he lets Hajime see him like this. Take care of him.
Turning and approaching the bed again, he sits down and puts the support pillow at the foot, grabbing one of his pillows instead. With a bit of a fluff and a huff, he drops it into his lap and very, very gingerly picks up Oikawa's leg to set it on top. ] You're obviously already killing yourself enough right now, so my job isn't to scold you.
[ It's to take care of you, his touch says, as Iwaizumi carefully arranges the cold pack over his knee and starts to massage his calf, fingers deft and practiced as he works to take the strain caused by his knee away first. ]
no subject
he reaches up with one hand and runs his fingers through his bangs, pausing with his head on his forehead to cover his eyes with his long fingers. it feels a lot easier to think with self hatred than it does anything else--oikawa would never blame a single person on his team except for himself, because it's his job to make them their best. oikawa works and strives to make everyone on his team excel to 110% of their ability, and today, against shiratorizawa?
he failed them.
again.
the first tear drops out, sliding down his cheek, and he laughs, something bitter and self deprecating and straight up nasty. ] Iwa-chan's pitying me, I've really gone too far this time.
no subject
Breathing out a slow, steady sigh, he bows his head, letting Oikawa have a moment of privacy in their enclosed space. Once he's done with the first round of kneading out his aching body, he'll tend to the aching heart that belongs to his captain.
As the ace, it's his job to carry his team to victory, to bolster his teammates. As captain, it's Oikawa's job to bring out their potential, to keep them strong. They're both feeling the weight of the loss, the guilt of not bringing victory to their team, but Oikawa is the one that has the fifty tons of self-loathing and tender ego to contend with. ]
But it's never been pity, moron. Not once.
no subject
people can dislike him, but no one hates oikawa tooru quite like oikawa tooru does.
he finally drops his hand from his face, watching iwaizumi as he tips his head back, down his nose to see his best friend. he can't see his face like this, and he wonders if it's better that way--if he can't see the look on his face. he says it's not pity, but he wonders how much of that is true. ]
No? [ he doesn't move his leg because he can't, and he huffs a little bit as he looks away again, off to the side. ] I can't be good enough, Iwa-chan. No matter what I do. That's pitiable.
no subject
He wants to take him by the face and tell him that his real personality, beneath all those horrible layers, is fucking beautiful despite what his insecurities tell him. That he's never pitied him and never will, and will always help him out of the dark.
Slowly, he sits up, eyes keen but soft as he sets his hands on Oikawa's shin. ]
You're more than good enough, Oikawa. You always have been. I don't know where the hell you got the idea that you aren't.