[ the fact of the matter was this: it didn't work.
newt could barely remember anything about the night that had transpired when he tried. in the morning, he'd woken up and found the conditions to be good. minho and the other runners had taken a right turn and newt had taken a left, just fast enough to slip out of their sight, quiet as can be, until he'd made it to the wall. he'd been planning this for ages now, and the whole thing had been eerily calm as he climbed halfway up the massive wall, planting his feet in the ivy covering it and pausing with ime fluttering at his shoulder.
she'd asked him if he was sure and he'd said he'd never been more sure of anything in his life. it's the scene he could play over and over again in his head now, the idea of finally being free, escaping the maze the only way he really knew how to. so he'd mentally apologized to the others, to minho, to alby, then pushed off the wall.
falling was one thing.
waking up was another entirely. he'd been on the ground in a pool of his own blood, barely conscious enough to register someone picking him up, and the only thought in his head was how he'd failed. couldn't even get his own escape plan right. not only had he failed at offing himself, the kind of thing that should be easy, but he'd surely ruined his leg in the process. the medjacks talking over his head had been hazy, and there was no pain medicine or anything to dull the screaming ache of his left leg, so newt fell in and out of consciousness for days, a bitter, angry thing.
he awakens to the sunlight streaming in on his face, bright and right against his eyelids, and furrows his eyebrows together for a second, reacting only to the light. it takes a couple of seconds for him to come to fully, socked in the gut with the ache coming from his leg, and he flutters his eyes open slowly, staring up at the ceiling over his head. ime makes a low hooting noise, signaling more than anything else to the other two occupants in the room that newt's awake, before the tiny owl burrows into his neck again, as if she could do something that way. he lifts a hand, slowly, and puts it on her back, stroking soft feathers, but stares up at the ceiling.
[ Maybe, just maybe, Alby should have left Newt there and let him die. If he'd gone through all that effort, it had to have been something that he'd wanted deep down enough. He'd climbed the ivy, after all. He'd hefted himself up there and thrown himself off with every intention of killing himself. While he doesn't know his reasons for it, he can guess-- they all could guess, if they knew the truth. But he doesn't plan on telling any of them, not unless Newt decides to.
Not unless Newt decides to even live another day, once he's fully cognitively aware again.
But it doesn't matter, because some small part of him had apparently wanted to live, otherwise Ime wouldn't have come for them. She'd have lain down with him and then disappeared into that golden dust that daemons fade into when the soul is gone. It's a terrifying thought, something he tries not to think about too often when it comes to him and his grizzly, but it's something he's seen often enough since they wound up here.
So he just pushes it out of his mind as much as he can, tending to Newt's bandages and the split the Med-Jacks put together for him. He tries to make sure he stays hydrated and medicated, but it's not like they have a lot of pain meds that would even last long without causing an overdose. (He doesn't think about it.)
And when he waits, he dozes.
Emese's eyes refocus first, as if she'd fallen asleep with them open, when she hears Ime's soft call. The giant bear shifts up from where her head's been resting against Newt's good leg, and she rolls forward a little so that she can properly sit upright. Bringing one, big paw up, she rests it against the bed and draws closer to him, whuffing air in and out as she inspects him. She can't do much for him, but she can at least give him a lookover before Alby actually stirs. ]
[ does he notice that emese was touching him? a little. there's this faint, warm ache in the back of his chest, because all of them just know that the daemons aren't supposed to touch humans that aren't theirs unless there's something special between them. maybe if it wasn't after what just happened, he'd be more affected, but then again, maybe not--he's known for a long time there was something special there. but even that couldn't stop him from trying to take the fall, to escape from this shucking maze the only way he knew how.
he regards emese for a second, allows her to examine him, barely moving. newt doesn't want to move. he doesn't want to do anything, except curl up and die in this bed, because he couldn't even escape through death, because he even managed to shuck that one up properly. his daemon, obviously in just as low spirits, makes a soft hooting noise but doesn't actually say anything, only removing herself from newt's neck to flutter onto emese's arm, as a communication that newt really wasn't ready to make himself yet. everything inside of him feels hollow, tremulous, as if one false move would send everything in this barely maintained consciousness and peace crashing down. it's like being on the edge of the bloody wall in an entirely different way, but this time if he falls, he'll splatter like he'd planned.
he thinks about telling her, and his gaze shifts over to alby, asleep in the chair, before he speaks, in a voice that sounds foreign coming out of his mouth. ] ...you should go.
[ he can't explain, can't be asked why--he just can't. but does he mean that? not really. ]
[ Heart sinking, Emese carefully picks her claws at the bedspread, resisting the need to touch him. For as much as she's rested her head against him or even combed her claws through his hair while he was asleep, now he's awake and he looks so much more broken with the wash of consciousness. Her agony is evident on her long-muzzled face, ears pressed to her head even as Ime settles on her arm.
Craning her head down to nuzzle carefully at her, she rubs her nose into her feathers, trying to offer comfort to both of them. But it's difficult to know what to do, even as the one with the more overtly nurturing nature between her and her boy. Alby's been doing everything that he possibly could, wearing himself thin in an attempt to make sure that Newt survived, if only so that they could try to find out why. Just why. And even she has to take a moment to look at Newt again as he speaks, dark eyes staring into him. ]
Albert. [ She's the only one that still calls him that, and it's part of the reason why he stirs properly, rolling his head up to look at her. When he sees Ime on her arm, he jerks his legs down to sit upright, the two raised legs of his chair giving a dull thunk as they hit the floor again. For a moment, he has no idea what to do with himself as he looks at Newt, expression filtering between emotions. Relief, anger, anguish, before he settles on something strained that's a combination of all three. ]
[ looking at emese's face doesn't help any. guilt twists up in his stomach and he resolutely turns his head away, burying his fingers deep in the bedspread to do anything but look at the people here for him. he knows--he's not stupid, he has to know that alby saved his life. minho probably did his head count and watched the doors almost close in horror, and that would have been it, newt would have died there, eaten by a griever until he was nothing but a puddle of blood on the floor of the maze. but alby had to grab him, had to save his life. and he can't be grateful when he's just--he's just bitter. he's so bitter.
he does his best to ignore his daemon, who peeps softly and stays nuzzled into the bear, not saying anything but allowing her to comfort her. and maybe that's what newt needs, the silence, not the anguish and the pain that he knows is coming.
he does look at alby when his chair falls, and his heart breaks all over again, squeezing and leaking guilt into his very pores, guilt and anger and exhaustion and bitter hurt, and newt's gaze hardens a little before he looks down again, at his fingers fisted tightly in the blankets. ]
Alby. [ that's really it, that's all it feels like he can say without going off. ]
I keep putting this one off why did I make this a sad thread.
[ Anger bursts in his chest in response to the way that Newt's gaze hardens, disgusting and heated and weaving through his ribs. But it still doesn't outweigh the pain he feels, has felt since he found him broken and bloody on the ground of the Maze. The doors were to close in maybe ten minutes, at the least, but he'd still run in. It'd been dark and he'd still gone running in, knowing they could've been trapped in there. But Ime called for them, and he and Emese had barreled through the twists and turns as if they were Runners themselves.
Emese stays silent now, even as she lifts Ime off her arm and cradles her against her throat, dropping to slump even more on the floor. It makes her seem so much smaller than she actually is, as she shows Alby's innermost emotion: heartbreak. He is absolutely and completely heartbroken that Newt decided to make the jump, that he thought there was nothing else. ]
You shucking-- [ His voice sounds far more raw than he anticipated, and he bites his lips as his brow furrows and he feels the sting of heat at the back of his throat. Bringing a hand up, he smooths it over his shaven head, feeling the bristle of his hair under his fingertips. He tries to use it to ground himself, but it doesn't work as well as he'd hoped. ]
[ he should feel shamed, probably, wilting under the face of his closest friend's intense anger--it was the thing that the gladers whispered about behind his back (and occasionally not), simply because alby's temper was not one to be messed with. but newt had never--never--been afraid of him, and his face falls into a thunderous frown as he considers it.
what was he thinking? it was pretty obvious. he bites out-- ] That this place is a bloody inescapable, hopeless klunkhole, and I hate it.
[ he hates it, he hates living here, he hates minho and alby and ben and gally and all of them, hates the idea of being stuck in this place for the rest of his life. newt hates it so much he doesn't think he can breathe with the force of it, spent days and days trying to see if minho would notice if he stole a knife from the weapons stash, or if frypan would raise alarm if he found one in the kitchen. in the end, the jump had been the best way to try and end it, and he feels the tears lumping up in his throat as he berates himself mentally for not going that way, because he failed.
alby was the bright spot, maybe. the single thing he liked--loved--about the glade. they'd had each other, but newt's optimism wouldn't hold out, a fragile, thin thing stretched over miles worth of resentment and sorrow, bitterness thick as blood and wetting the back of his tongue.
ime reacts in a way that newt couldn't, though, because if emese looks heartbroken, the tiny owl looks sad, making a soft, distressed noise as she tries to burrow further into emese's fur, as if she could just disappear there. there's no anger in him, either, just despondent failure, a hopelessness so heavy it felt tangible in the air around him. newt wants to sob but he doesn't think he can--he doesn't have the energy to power through his emotions, and all he can feel is hollow. even the vitriol that snapped out of his mouth felt half hearted. ]
[ Emese remains settled on the floor, stroking her big paw over Ime's tiny form as she holds her there. There are no words from the great grizzly, though perhaps there could be. Instead, she's just the purest example of Alby's feelings, as her round ears wilt and her dark eyes almost seem to water. There is a deep sadness in both daemons, and all she can do is sit there and hold what amounts to Newt's heart close to her, in the vulnerable expanse of her throat where the little owl disappears in her brown fur.
But Alby, Alby gets up from where he's seated. The chair scrapes loudly and violently against the floor, though does not tip, and he smooths his hand over his buzzed hair again as he starts to move. There's no real destination in mind, because he doesn't leave the room, but he simply paces as if he's making some attempt to get his anger in check. It happens sometimes-- Newt will find him pacing through the Glade after dealing with some shuck moron, and have to calm him down.
There is a vast patience to the leader, some days. Others, his temper is lit and explodes.
Right now, it's not really his temper. It's his heartbreak right now, and he doesn't know what to say in response to Newt at first. In the end, though, he finds something, something that is still raw and worn and anguished, a twinge of anger and hurt in his voice beneath it. He does not look at Newt again, not right away. ]
And you don't think the rest of us hate it!? You ain't the first person that's tried to send themselves outta this place for good, nowhere near the first person that's thought it! [ The words are sharp but not biting, not really. They're balanced out by Emese, in a way, her gentle silence as she simply sits there. ] I don't--
[ And then all of his steam suddenly leaves him, and all that anger leaves him, replaced by pain and upset as he actually does look at Newt, then. ] You coulda come to me, Newt. You coulda talked to me, 'n I would-- I would find a way to do something. I can't... [ Alby lifts his hands up, dragging them over his face with a ragged, almost wet breath. ] I've been terrified that you weren't gonna wake up again, in some selfish wish for you to be okay. 'cause I just can't lose you, Newt. I can't.
[ newt just takes it, and maybe that's the worst part; he looks at alby dully, expression not changing, fingers still curled lightly in the bedspread. he's right and newt knows he's right. he's not the first. it didn't matter to him, though, because he wasn't--they were stronger than him, he supposes. this place has taken him and broken him right over its knee, and it's funny, now, almost ironic, because now he has physical proof of it. he'll never run the maze again, may even never walk again. who knows?
it doesn't matter. it doesn't.
ime is the only real sign of anything at first; she makes a very unhappy noise when alby yells and fluffs her feathers, but it's more sad than angry. the daemon is apologetic where newt isn't, feels the things he wants to feel, that he's maybe not even able to anymore.
but, the first crack in newt himself's expression comes when alby looks at him. he looks...utterly distraught, ruined, almost, and newt looks into his eyes and feels that wet breath somewhere deep in his heart, kicking something back to life again. it occurs to him for the first time that maybe it was selfish--that he should have thought of alby. (and he did, he thought of him before he jumped, apologized to him in his head. it's better for both of us.)
his throat clicks, and he looks away, down at the daemons on the floor. what should he do? what is he even supposed to say? ] You didn't. [ is what comes out, soft and quiet, and he looks up at him and now, now his eyes fill with tears; the bitterness cracks, and he looks so young, tired, because all newt feels is sadness, a deep, bone crushing thing that he can feel in his very pores. ]
I'm sorry. [ he almost whispers it, and his shoulders slump inwards. he is, in the end. he's sorry he failed. he's sorry he failed alby. ]
[ It's only when Newt breaks that Alby really does, but at first? All he can do is look at him, eyes wet and red as he takes in everything. His heart nearly breaks all over again, because Newt hit rock bottom and tried to end his life. Newt, who keeps them all together, keeps the order of the Glade. He acts like everything is all right, and yet of course he was hiding the truth from them. So, he figures he'll hide the truth as well, make sure none of them know what had happened to him in the Maze. It's what he's been doing from the start, anyways, when Minho did his head count and realized that Newt was missing right before the doors were to close.
None of them will know what Newt did, not unless Newt tells them himself.
As he's about to come forward, as his heart wrenches in his chest, Emese shifts where she's seated. Slowly, she rises up so that she's sitting upright instead of slouched, moving closer to Newt. He's not sure what she's doing until she's done it, and something twists through his ribs, painful before it's a burst of warmth: she presses her big head up against Newt's, nuzzling her long muzzle against his jaw and setting a big paw on his thigh while she holds Ime to her throat with the other. ] We're here for you, dandelion. It'll be okay.
[ She steals the words right out of Alby, along with the air from his lungs. But it causes the tears welled up in his eyes to spill, a single track down one cheek at first because it's true. He recognizes the place that Newt found himself in, maybe more than anybody, but he'd never acted on it. Newt had felt so desperate that he had. But no matter what, they are here for him. They'll figure something out. ] Yeah... yeah.
[ his arms are trembling when he lifts them; newt feels like a boy made viscous, like he could just melt into the sheets and fade away, every one of his shaking molecules evaporating away. it had seemed so easy when he climbed. one foot into the ivy, then another, and another, halfway up until the bloody ivy itself seemed to just disappear. for fifteen seconds he was free, in control of his life and his choices for the first time that he could ever remember. newt could fall and no one could stop him.
and he did, and now, he suffered the consequences. it was selfish (it was a mercy kill), it was stupid (it was a suicide) and he could see it written all over alby's face now, where he looks at him, lets emese wrap him up in her arms. his come to rest around her huge neck and he just stares into the distance, stares at alby and tears leak out of his eyes, and newt tips his head forward into the bear's fur and takes in a deep, shuddering breath.
ime makes a noise; it's soft, mournful, miserable. she lifts herself out of emese's hand and crosses the room in a flutter of tiny feathers, and lands on alby's shoulder, pressing her face to his neck. maybe it's easier that way, maybe she can say more than newt ever could.
There there, baby. There there. We got you now, we'll take care of you, we ain't mad. [ Emese continues to soothe, even as Alby takes Ime into his hands. He strokes his fingers over her soft feathers, at first simply letting her stay on his shoulder before he takes her into both palms. She's so tiny in his big hands, standing out in the midst of them, but she fits perfectly there regardless. The grizzly keeps talking as he shakily approaches, burying his nose in the feathers atop the owl's head as he leans against the side of the bed at first. ]
You just gave us a scare, y'know. Scared the klunk out of us - we don't wanna think about a world without you. [ Always, his daemon has been more talkative than he has. But that same caring nature is in the both of them, that same protectiveness in the both of them. And he feels it so powerfully for Newt, for the one person that he loves more than anything.
So he tries to show it while Emese speaks it, dropping to sit at the bed finally as he holds Ime like she's Newt's heart - which, she might as well be - cupping her in his hands and smoothing his thumbs over her. ]
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I hate you ftr
newt could barely remember anything about the night that had transpired when he tried. in the morning, he'd woken up and found the conditions to be good. minho and the other runners had taken a right turn and newt had taken a left, just fast enough to slip out of their sight, quiet as can be, until he'd made it to the wall. he'd been planning this for ages now, and the whole thing had been eerily calm as he climbed halfway up the massive wall, planting his feet in the ivy covering it and pausing with ime fluttering at his shoulder.
she'd asked him if he was sure and he'd said he'd never been more sure of anything in his life. it's the scene he could play over and over again in his head now, the idea of finally being free, escaping the maze the only way he really knew how to. so he'd mentally apologized to the others, to minho, to alby, then pushed off the wall.
falling was one thing.
waking up was another entirely. he'd been on the ground in a pool of his own blood, barely conscious enough to register someone picking him up, and the only thought in his head was how he'd failed. couldn't even get his own escape plan right. not only had he failed at offing himself, the kind of thing that should be easy, but he'd surely ruined his leg in the process. the medjacks talking over his head had been hazy, and there was no pain medicine or anything to dull the screaming ache of his left leg, so newt fell in and out of consciousness for days, a bitter, angry thing.
he awakens to the sunlight streaming in on his face, bright and right against his eyelids, and furrows his eyebrows together for a second, reacting only to the light. it takes a couple of seconds for him to come to fully, socked in the gut with the ache coming from his leg, and he flutters his eyes open slowly, staring up at the ceiling over his head. ime makes a low hooting noise, signaling more than anything else to the other two occupants in the room that newt's awake, before the tiny owl burrows into his neck again, as if she could do something that way. he lifts a hand, slowly, and puts it on her back, stroking soft feathers, but stares up at the ceiling.
what a shucking joke he is. ]
luv u 2
Not unless Newt decides to even live another day, once he's fully cognitively aware again.
But it doesn't matter, because some small part of him had apparently wanted to live, otherwise Ime wouldn't have come for them. She'd have lain down with him and then disappeared into that golden dust that daemons fade into when the soul is gone. It's a terrifying thought, something he tries not to think about too often when it comes to him and his grizzly, but it's something he's seen often enough since they wound up here.
So he just pushes it out of his mind as much as he can, tending to Newt's bandages and the split the Med-Jacks put together for him. He tries to make sure he stays hydrated and medicated, but it's not like they have a lot of pain meds that would even last long without causing an overdose. (He doesn't think about it.)
And when he waits, he dozes.
Emese's eyes refocus first, as if she'd fallen asleep with them open, when she hears Ime's soft call. The giant bear shifts up from where her head's been resting against Newt's good leg, and she rolls forward a little so that she can properly sit upright. Bringing one, big paw up, she rests it against the bed and draws closer to him, whuffing air in and out as she inspects him. She can't do much for him, but she can at least give him a lookover before Alby actually stirs. ]
Weren't sure you'd ever wake up.
no subject
he regards emese for a second, allows her to examine him, barely moving. newt doesn't want to move. he doesn't want to do anything, except curl up and die in this bed, because he couldn't even escape through death, because he even managed to shuck that one up properly. his daemon, obviously in just as low spirits, makes a soft hooting noise but doesn't actually say anything, only removing herself from newt's neck to flutter onto emese's arm, as a communication that newt really wasn't ready to make himself yet. everything inside of him feels hollow, tremulous, as if one false move would send everything in this barely maintained consciousness and peace crashing down. it's like being on the edge of the bloody wall in an entirely different way, but this time if he falls, he'll splatter like he'd planned.
he thinks about telling her, and his gaze shifts over to alby, asleep in the chair, before he speaks, in a voice that sounds foreign coming out of his mouth. ] ...you should go.
[ he can't explain, can't be asked why--he just can't. but does he mean that? not really. ]
no subject
Craning her head down to nuzzle carefully at her, she rubs her nose into her feathers, trying to offer comfort to both of them. But it's difficult to know what to do, even as the one with the more overtly nurturing nature between her and her boy. Alby's been doing everything that he possibly could, wearing himself thin in an attempt to make sure that Newt survived, if only so that they could try to find out why. Just why. And even she has to take a moment to look at Newt again as he speaks, dark eyes staring into him. ]
Albert. [ She's the only one that still calls him that, and it's part of the reason why he stirs properly, rolling his head up to look at her. When he sees Ime on her arm, he jerks his legs down to sit upright, the two raised legs of his chair giving a dull thunk as they hit the floor again. For a moment, he has no idea what to do with himself as he looks at Newt, expression filtering between emotions. Relief, anger, anguish, before he settles on something strained that's a combination of all three. ]
Newt.
no subject
he does his best to ignore his daemon, who peeps softly and stays nuzzled into the bear, not saying anything but allowing her to comfort her. and maybe that's what newt needs, the silence, not the anguish and the pain that he knows is coming.
he does look at alby when his chair falls, and his heart breaks all over again, squeezing and leaking guilt into his very pores, guilt and anger and exhaustion and bitter hurt, and newt's gaze hardens a little before he looks down again, at his fingers fisted tightly in the blankets. ]
Alby. [ that's really it, that's all it feels like he can say without going off. ]
I keep putting this one off why did I make this a sad thread.
Emese stays silent now, even as she lifts Ime off her arm and cradles her against her throat, dropping to slump even more on the floor. It makes her seem so much smaller than she actually is, as she shows Alby's innermost emotion: heartbreak. He is absolutely and completely heartbroken that Newt decided to make the jump, that he thought there was nothing else. ]
You shucking-- [ His voice sounds far more raw than he anticipated, and he bites his lips as his brow furrows and he feels the sting of heat at the back of his throat. Bringing a hand up, he smooths it over his shaven head, feeling the bristle of his hair under his fingertips. He tries to use it to ground himself, but it doesn't work as well as he'd hoped. ]
What were you thinkin'?
idk man idk
what was he thinking? it was pretty obvious. he bites out-- ] That this place is a bloody inescapable, hopeless klunkhole, and I hate it.
[ he hates it, he hates living here, he hates minho and alby and ben and gally and all of them, hates the idea of being stuck in this place for the rest of his life. newt hates it so much he doesn't think he can breathe with the force of it, spent days and days trying to see if minho would notice if he stole a knife from the weapons stash, or if frypan would raise alarm if he found one in the kitchen. in the end, the jump had been the best way to try and end it, and he feels the tears lumping up in his throat as he berates himself mentally for not going that way, because he failed.
alby was the bright spot, maybe. the single thing he liked--loved--about the glade. they'd had each other, but newt's optimism wouldn't hold out, a fragile, thin thing stretched over miles worth of resentment and sorrow, bitterness thick as blood and wetting the back of his tongue.
ime reacts in a way that newt couldn't, though, because if emese looks heartbroken, the tiny owl looks sad, making a soft, distressed noise as she tries to burrow further into emese's fur, as if she could just disappear there. there's no anger in him, either, just despondent failure, a hopelessness so heavy it felt tangible in the air around him. newt wants to sob but he doesn't think he can--he doesn't have the energy to power through his emotions, and all he can feel is hollow. even the vitriol that snapped out of his mouth felt half hearted. ]
no subject
But Alby, Alby gets up from where he's seated. The chair scrapes loudly and violently against the floor, though does not tip, and he smooths his hand over his buzzed hair again as he starts to move. There's no real destination in mind, because he doesn't leave the room, but he simply paces as if he's making some attempt to get his anger in check. It happens sometimes-- Newt will find him pacing through the Glade after dealing with some shuck moron, and have to calm him down.
There is a vast patience to the leader, some days. Others, his temper is lit and explodes.
Right now, it's not really his temper. It's his heartbreak right now, and he doesn't know what to say in response to Newt at first. In the end, though, he finds something, something that is still raw and worn and anguished, a twinge of anger and hurt in his voice beneath it. He does not look at Newt again, not right away. ]
And you don't think the rest of us hate it!? You ain't the first person that's tried to send themselves outta this place for good, nowhere near the first person that's thought it! [ The words are sharp but not biting, not really. They're balanced out by Emese, in a way, her gentle silence as she simply sits there. ] I don't--
[ And then all of his steam suddenly leaves him, and all that anger leaves him, replaced by pain and upset as he actually does look at Newt, then. ] You coulda come to me, Newt. You coulda talked to me, 'n I would-- I would find a way to do something. I can't... [ Alby lifts his hands up, dragging them over his face with a ragged, almost wet breath. ] I've been terrified that you weren't gonna wake up again, in some selfish wish for you to be okay. 'cause I just can't lose you, Newt. I can't.
no subject
it doesn't matter. it doesn't.
ime is the only real sign of anything at first; she makes a very unhappy noise when alby yells and fluffs her feathers, but it's more sad than angry. the daemon is apologetic where newt isn't, feels the things he wants to feel, that he's maybe not even able to anymore.
but, the first crack in newt himself's expression comes when alby looks at him. he looks...utterly distraught, ruined, almost, and newt looks into his eyes and feels that wet breath somewhere deep in his heart, kicking something back to life again. it occurs to him for the first time that maybe it was selfish--that he should have thought of alby. (and he did, he thought of him before he jumped, apologized to him in his head. it's better for both of us.)
his throat clicks, and he looks away, down at the daemons on the floor. what should he do? what is he even supposed to say? ] You didn't. [ is what comes out, soft and quiet, and he looks up at him and now, now his eyes fill with tears; the bitterness cracks, and he looks so young, tired, because all newt feels is sadness, a deep, bone crushing thing that he can feel in his very pores. ]
I'm sorry. [ he almost whispers it, and his shoulders slump inwards. he is, in the end. he's sorry he failed. he's sorry he failed alby. ]
no subject
None of them will know what Newt did, not unless Newt tells them himself.
As he's about to come forward, as his heart wrenches in his chest, Emese shifts where she's seated. Slowly, she rises up so that she's sitting upright instead of slouched, moving closer to Newt. He's not sure what she's doing until she's done it, and something twists through his ribs, painful before it's a burst of warmth: she presses her big head up against Newt's, nuzzling her long muzzle against his jaw and setting a big paw on his thigh while she holds Ime to her throat with the other. ] We're here for you, dandelion. It'll be okay.
[ She steals the words right out of Alby, along with the air from his lungs. But it causes the tears welled up in his eyes to spill, a single track down one cheek at first because it's true. He recognizes the place that Newt found himself in, maybe more than anybody, but he'd never acted on it. Newt had felt so desperate that he had. But no matter what, they are here for him. They'll figure something out. ] Yeah... yeah.
#sisi will never be over the nalby
and he did, and now, he suffered the consequences. it was selfish (it was a mercy kill), it was stupid (it was a suicide) and he could see it written all over alby's face now, where he looks at him, lets emese wrap him up in her arms. his come to rest around her huge neck and he just stares into the distance, stares at alby and tears leak out of his eyes, and newt tips his head forward into the bear's fur and takes in a deep, shuddering breath.
ime makes a noise; it's soft, mournful, miserable. she lifts herself out of emese's hand and crosses the room in a flutter of tiny feathers, and lands on alby's shoulder, pressing her face to his neck. maybe it's easier that way, maybe she can say more than newt ever could.
i'm sorry, i didn't mean to hurt you. i'm okay. ]
no subject
You just gave us a scare, y'know. Scared the klunk out of us - we don't wanna think about a world without you. [ Always, his daemon has been more talkative than he has. But that same caring nature is in the both of them, that same protectiveness in the both of them. And he feels it so powerfully for Newt, for the one person that he loves more than anything.
So he tries to show it while Emese speaks it, dropping to sit at the bed finally as he holds Ime like she's Newt's heart - which, she might as well be - cupping her in his hands and smoothing his thumbs over her. ]