[ when your entire world is turned upside-down, you don't really know what to do about it as an adult. some people fall apart and enter a state of denial. some people get angry, lash out at the remnants of the world around them. others just - accept that there's nothing to be done, and some in worse ways than others. there's the stories of survivors just turning around and walking off into the silent world, never to be seen, never to be heard from, ever again.
kon is eleven, and he's trying to figure out what he's supposed to do. he's not clueless about what happened, or the fact that it was always a possibility. so many saimaa settlements fall every year, every month, every week, and sometimes the other settlements won't hear about it until long after the fires have been put out and the dead have moved on. seeing the end of everything you've ever known on your doorstep leaves you shaken, but his sobs have been left behind on the lake.
it's just - boring, now. nothing to do, no answers, and everyone looks at his age and sees a child that should be coddled and sheltered, when he was smarter than a good chunk of the island around him. coddling him is a disservice.
(nevermind how alienated he is, compared to so many others in quarantine - the fair-haired, full-blooded finns that make him stand out like a sore thumb, with his japanese heritage so blatant in his hair and features.)
so, he finds ways of entertaining himself, insomuch as he can. it usually involves heckling the attendants. ] This food tastes like shit.
[ "what'd you say?" his attendant asks, tired and annoyed with him. kon looks up innocently, and repeats himself - albeit in japanese this time. ] The food tastes like the shit it looks like.
[ the exasperated stare he gets in response is normal, at this point, and the attendant leaves while muttering under finnish as if he can't understand what's being said. he just makes a face at their back, settling in against the side of his glass bubble of a quarantine "room," picking unhappily at the slop in the bowl. ]
[The nice thing about quarantine boats, as in the plural of boats, is that you can kind of shelter people from the worst of quarantine. Deciding who goes on what ship is a matter of deciding who's most likely to come out of quarantine alive. Those who are immune and who claim to have not been exposed at all go on one ship, everyone else goes on the others. This is especially true with children involved, as sparing them from the horror of hearing someone scream in agony at finding a spreading rash on their body, to their not-so-quiet removal from their room, to the...well. 'Disposal'. After the fact. It's a harsh reality of life that death is preferable to what the Rash does to people, and children definitely don't need to be exposed to that reality quite yet.
But Lalli knows. He just knows. Even if he, Onni, and Tuuri are safely tucked away in adjoining glass rooms and far away from their slowly-dying relatives, he still knows. Everyone who went to the harvest festival was exposed. Everyone. Only the handful of immune people on the island and the few lucky ones who hadn't gone there yet will be surviving this.
In his dreams, Lalli tries going out beyond his borders, looking for his parents and family. But all he ever finds is Onni, who quickly ushers Lalli back to his own dreams. "They're not mages," Onni reminds him, "They won't be up here." But Lalli still tries, too young to understand just what Onni means. Or why Onni looks so close to crying all the time.
It's the strange words of the boy in the cell next to him that bring Lalli out of his attempts to dreamwalk. Lalli only knows Finnish so he has no idea what's even being spoken, but when he looks over he sees someone who is both Finnish and not-Finnish at the same time. How confusing. Why hadn't he ever looked more closely at the person next to him?
(The answer, of course, is that Lalli doesn't know how to process everything that's happening and he has spent most of his time sleeping because he doesn't know what else to do besides look for his family in the dream world.)
Lalli looks to the other side of his room. Onni's on that side, though he is on the opposite side of his own room talking to Tuuri, who is further down than Lalli can reach. Since those two look busy, Lalli turns his focus to the sullen-looking boy who's poking at his food.]
Just don't eat it if you don't like it. They can't make you eat.
[The walls of the glass rooms are thick, but they can still hear each other through them if they speak up.]
[ there were a few settlements that fell around the same time, he's learned from his eavesdropping, so kon knows that the family - and they're obviously related, if not siblings - comes from a neighboring island. he's not sure what their story is, because the one closest to him isn't a talker and seems to spend most of his time out of it.
he just hasn't figured out if it's a shock thing, sleeping through the events that the other kids survived, or if it's something Else.
there's no one in his dreams for him to find, no matter what path he takes. and if there's no one the foxes can lead him to, then there aren't any mages amongst the survivors.
funny to think that the remnants of japan in this part of finland might be down to him, when all he's seen since getting here have been shades of blond, and none of them his family or neighbors. still, maybe he'll see the old man again - though that's the one thing he's trying not to think too much about, given the state he last saw him in.
but, ah. someone else talking to him.
his head lolls a little from where he had his cheek against his shoulder, temple tapping into the glass between them as he looks his way. his eyes are about the only thing blatantly finnish about him, clear and blue, and they focus on the source of the voice. he switches back to finnish, since he hasn't done anything to earn his ire. ]
Maybe, but I didn't survive an outbreak just to die of possible food poisoning or starvation. [ the food gets set aside, his legs coming up as he crosses his arms and just settles in. ] They won't give us anything else to do, or tell us what's going on outside of the boat, so I might as well see if they can do something about the food they're giving us.
[Honestly a meeting in their dreams might be in the near future, once Lalli works up the courage to actually travel outside of his dream more than a few steps. He knows it's dangerous, and it's all water so he has to swim everywhere anyway. But he had seen a couple dream spaces close to his, so maybe in the coming days he would get bold enough to knock on them and see who's there.
But for now, Lalli is just watching Kon with wide blue eyes. He's never really spoken to anyone outside of the people from his village before, so he is a little hesitant. Especially after everything that happened on the island with his grandmother and the other mages and scouts. But he listens to Kon's complaints, and really, he gets it. He's bored out of his mind too and the food is terrible. But it's also only for a few weeks. They can deal with the boredom, maybe.]
Can they even do anything? We're on a boat. We'll be out of here soon anyway, so we just have to force it down until then.
[And then...he doesn't know. Because he has no idea what's going to happen to all of them once they get off the boat at the capitol island.]
...orphanage food probably isn't going to be much better...
[ maybe it'd just be easier to sleep through this whole thing. his dreams are more interesting, and taking a walk around to check out the other spaces that he's mostly avoided as being unfamiliar, not because he's worried about going to them - though he knows, logically, he should be. curiosity, and all that, though he's not much of a cat.
looking back at lalli, he eyes him a little, before deciding to just. talk, he guesses. now that they're no longer keeping to themselves. it alleviates some of the itch of being stuck in these four glass walls, no privacy but nothing to do when you've already read all of the books that they'll give you. ]
Since they won't tell me anything, no matter what I ask? I doubt they can do much. Or they just think I'm too young to bother with. [ displeasure, there, but not surprise. he just picks at a thread on his sleeve absently, the shirt too big for his small frame. ]
... orphanage food is going to taste worse. So will military rations once we're eventually enlisted.
[ because what else would a bunch of orphans be good for? they already know he's a mage in training, so it's not going to be long for him - especially not while he's multilingual and too smart to leave to his own devices. ]
[Military rations. Right. With so few people in Finland to begin with, they're going to be used for the warm bodies they are. Likely trained up and put on a Cleaner team, if anything. There's no way Lalli will be able to go back to his peaceful life of protecting one small settlement on an island. Not with his immunity. The thought of having to deal with so many people makes his stomach turn, and he pulls his knees to his chest.]
I should have made Grandma listen. She could have stopped all of this.
[Maybe not ALL of it, if several islands got hit at once by the Kade. But at the very least his home would have been protected. And small children like him tend to think selfishly.]
Do you...did the same thing happen at your island too? With, um, someone infected sneaking past quarantine?
[ at least they're on the same boat in more figurative ways, too. kon imagines that they really are just warm bodies, to the people they're heading towards, if there's no survivors of their islands left to take them. at least this kid's got the other two.
he's not sure who's going to be left from his island. he hasn't seen his parents in a while, and the old man, the regulars... the scouts and their handful of mages... all the people he knew so well.
maybe the courier guy made it back to his toki kid on their island without bringing it back. he hopes so. ]
... the old man called it a kade. [ but he's feeling selfish and uncharitable, too, even if he won't say it as he mirrors lalli's position sullenly. ] He and the other adults in charge of things didn't know how it made its way to the island, but they guessed it piggybacked a mage sent out to scout somehow.
Grandma said that too. That a kade took over Hilja's mind and made her do stuff she wouldn't ever do.
She- she also told me not to look her in the eyes. That it can take over even immune people.
[He's holding onto his knees a little more tightly now. This is something he hasn't even told Onni yet.]
She snuck an infected rat past quarantine and then infected herself later. That's how she did it. And it's probably what happened on your island too.
...Grandma and I were the only immune people on the whole island. Tuuri and Onni weren't on the island at all so they were safe, but...everyone else...
[...
He looks up to Kon now. Lalli isn't very expressive of his emotions and it takes a keen eye to tell what he's thinking normally, but right now is one of the rare times where he's being obvious. He's worried. Very, very worried.]
A bunch of the adults went to the sheep island to do the harvest and were only back on our island for a few hours. They'll be okay, won't they? A few hours isn't long enough to get sick, right?
Yeah. That's what they were saying. And the cats on the island started going crazy right before, but it was too late. I think it got a couple people before we found out. [ there's a few guesses, as to who it was that brought it on the island, but he can't say for sure. and what would guessing do? they're all dead now. they're all gone.
even boss - ] I didn't - one of our mages had been hiding that he'd gone blind a while ago. Rash didn't take 'em, his eyes just... were bad, and got worse. I didn't know until he told us to leave, to give us a chance to get the people that might not've been infected out. But there weren't a lot of immune people on ours, either.
[ unlike with lalli's grandma, and kon with the adults of his island at the end, he meets lalli's gaze with little issue. perceptive as he is, it isn't hard to pick up that worry. but even as he thinks of the people gone to harvest, the people gathering supplies and food, the ones in quarantine between islands... all those people that came back just before all hell breaks loose...
he also thinks of the gunfire, the screaming, the shrieks drowning out pleas for help.
kon doesn't think that any of the exposed non-immune people are going to make it out alive. a few hours of exposure to the rash, to trolls, to beasts of any kind, is more than enough to kill just one person, let alone their little islands.
kon swallows. ]
We had traders and trappers come out of quarantine right before it happened. I'm sure them and your harvesters will be fine.
[The hesitation there, it probably means Kon is lying. Who could survive being exposed like that if they're not immune? Everyone had been celebrating the harvest. Everyone in close quarters, surrounded by people who were already infected and didn't know it...]
...maybe.
[Lalli's eyes look a bit distant now.]
I keep looking for Mom and Dad, in my dreams. Onni says they're beneath the waters, since they're not mages, but...I want to see them again.
[Before they die. Because even if he wants to believe the people who went to the sheep island will be fine, he just knows they won't be.]
...
If you're here, you must be immune too. There's not a lot of people on this boat.
[ it's a lie, and he still hasn't mastered lying in a convincing way, but he has to say it. they're close in age, even though he can't tell how close, but it's the only thing he can do in the face of lalli's worries.
maybe it'll come true. kon doubts it. ]
You're a mage, too? [ at least that's easier to talk about. ] I haven't found anyone while walking yet, but I know my parents won't be there. I haven't seen them in a while, anyways, so even if they were mages I don't think I'd run into them.
[ ... the others, though. the mages, even the very few immune... ]
... there were three of us, and we were all descendents of Japanese survivors that'd been in Old World Finland.
Mhmm. Onni's a mage too. But he always says it's dangerous to go walking in the dreams and sends me back to my own dreams when I go out. Grandma was a mage too, but it was just us three.
[And now it's two. Though the similarities between his and Kon's situations aren't lost on him.]
Is that why your hair is black? Because of your ancestors being Japanese?
[He doesn't even know what Japanese is, but he can at least guess it's someone from a different country.]
Well, yeah, 'course it is. Mages aren't the only ones that can travel through dreams. But there's no reward in life without risk. [ kon over here still finding ways to quote things he's read. ] There were five of us. One of the immune besides me, and then one full-blooded Finn.
[ the rest were mixed, and lalli's questions have him reaching up to touch his hair, small fingers combing through his messy bangs. he asks it in a harmless way, so he doesn't feel a need to be defensive about it. ]
Both of my parents were half-Japanese, with me as the first mage in the family. They said that their Japanese grandparents were in Finland when Japan closed its shores. Apparently they were one of the first ones to completely cut off travel when the infection started to spread, so they could never go back.
[Something something monsters lurking in the deep. Lalli's been small enough to escape their notice so far, but soon he'll get bigger and stronger and everything will perceive him.]
Oh. So sort of like what Iceland did? Does that mean Japan is out there somewhere too?
[Probably, but they'll never be able to reach it probably. Too many trolls between Finland and Japan.]
My Grandma's family lived on a big boat for a long time back then. Years and years! But then they brought it to an island and became part of my hometown. I didn't know any of them, they all died a long time ago except for Grandma, but Dad said Grandma's dad used to get seasick a lot just like how I do.
[Speaking of which, Lalli had looked pretty green the first couple days of quarantine. But he seems to have gotten used to it by now, at least to the point where he doesn't look like he'll get sick.]
[ kon's still small enough that he can hide quickly when need be, and the foxes make sure he doesn't wander off the safe paths, but his patron japanese deity isn't going to be able to protect him from his own curiosity and fighty nature forever. ]
Yeah, like Iceland. It might be? There's no way to know for sure - I don't think anyone has any radios or things like that that we can use to cross all of Europe and Asia to try and talk to them, and it's not like we can dreamwalk to it. It might as well be on the moon.
[ that they have radios at all that let them communicate with one another in scandinavia is a miracle, and he's not dumb enough to try and walk to a wholeass island country in another continent. ]
My greatgrandparents were business people, in Finland for a big conference with a huge group, but they'd come to the Saimaa area to camp when their business was over. My greatgrandma wanted to go back to Japan early when the rash started to show up, but everyone else said their flight was a couple days away, and that they shouldn't rush. [ ... ] And then, y'know. Japan closed all borders. So they had to adapt. My parents left me on the island I was on to go to one of the farming islands without me, but there were other Japanese descendents there with me.
[They are about to reach an interesting roadblock, because while Lalli certainly has the intelligence to mostly keep up with Kon's rapidfire thoughts- not fully, but enough so that he's not completely lost- he's also from a backwater island town and has very little knowledge of the world. He doesn't even know what 'Europe' and 'Asia' are since he got pulled out of school so young. But 'it might as well be on the moon' at least gives him enough context to understand that it's really really far away.]
So they got stuck. I bet they fought a lot about it.
But they must not have been the only ones, if there were other Japanese people around too.
[ at the very least, it won't be... well, disappointing. kon is used to being one of the smartest people in the room, and it was through sheer bullheadedness that he was able to continue learning and reading once he'd started mage training. it wasn't that hard for people to agree to it, at least - a skald is an important thing to have and encourage to grow, and he had the makings for it.
("we think it'd be for the best that you go to live on one of the bigger islands," his parents said, smiles strained. "we just don't understand you, right?") ]
My mom said that she was angry with my greatgrandpa for ages over it, and that they got together in the end to have my grandpa was a miracle. [ he pulls his hand away from his hair, mushing his cheek into his palm and just looking at lalli. at least he's less green, now. ] There's some more people, I think, across Saimaa at least? I don't know outside of that. We had the highest numbers, though, probably. As much as those islands can have big populations.
It's amazing they survived at all. People are really mean about 'outsiders', especially if there's things like trolls and infections to worry about.
[Lalli's bluntness is rearing its ugly head now. He doesn't mean anything by it, he's not trying to say Kon doesn't belong in Finland, but he's also missing that his words are a bit insensitive. Especially to someone who is probably all too familiar with the feeling of being an 'outsider'.
But he continues on, unaware of that problem.]
Maybe they'll come looking for you when you're out of quarantine. It's better than going to an orphanage.
Kind of the reason why we all stayed in the same cluster of islands. [ his tone is a little testy, a little defensive, but he doesn't outright snap. he's heard worse. ] People are assholes. It's not going to be any better outside of the boat once they let us out.
[ it'll be worse, actually, and he knows it. there's some dark-haired scandinavians here and there, but in a place like finland? he's more than just a sore thumb. and the old man, the shop regulars, they all tried to prepare him for it. the suspicion, the possible hostilities. ]
... I doubt it. [ the spark fades into something somber. ] My parents abandoned me already, so I was basically an orphan raised on the island anyways. If they're alive and they find out what happened, they'll probably think I'm dead.
[Lalli hears that tone and wrinkles his nose. He doesn't understand why Kon is getting testy here. Maybe he's upset because of all the infections? That has to be it. Tuuri's been crying the whole time because of it, so Kon must be upset too and just better at hiding it. It can't possibly be because he's self-conscious about how he's different, Lalli thinks Kon being different is cool, so it must be cool.
That second part is more concerning anyway.]
Why did they do THAT? Parents aren't supposed to abandon kids.
[ that wasn't the reaction he was expecting. kon is still a little sore about the insensitivity, but he's too tired to linger on it much, especially when it's just some kid that doesn't know anything. so the question and the... concern? are enough of a distraction. ]
I wanted to become more than just some farmer that hid away from the rest of the world like they were. I'm a mage, and I can build things, and I was already learning how to be a skald. They thought it'd be better if I got my nose out of books and machines, look at the world around me.
Except they were the ones that never left the farming island. They never learned anything more than that, and they wanted me to do the same. We got in a fight, and they decided it would be "for the best" for me to go to one of the bigger neighboring islands on my own.
[It makes sense. Lalli is fortunate enough to have a mage for a grandmother, so she always spoke up for him. But he can imagine how frustrating it would be for someone who didn't have another family member to tell everyone "no, let him be a mage."]
It IS better for you to find ways to do what you want. But that doesn't mean they should push you away. Aren't parents supposed to help you figure stuff out?
Probably. And I guess they did, for a while. But I learned more from the folks on the island in the end.
[ slowly, he curls the loose strand on his sleeve around his fingers before snapping it off, giving it a good tug and then tossing it off somewhere in the cage he's stuck in for a couple more weeks. boss, roku-san, ken...
gone, snapped, just like that string. he hopes that the swan was able to bring them to tuonela. ]
... you're lucky you had your grandma, and your Onni. He your brother or your cousin? [ their voices aren't carrying enough for onni to hear them, through the walls between them all, but he does notice that onni glances over their way when he realizes that lalli is talking to someone. kon looks at him for a moment, acknowledging, before looking back at lalli. ]
[After saying that, Lalli turns to glance at Onni. The older Hotakainen looks exhausted, as he has for days now. Lalli would have thought all the sleep he gets would keep him rested, but maybe the worries are too heavy on his mind for sleep to recharge him.
He nods, to Onni, who nods in return, and then Lalli turns his attention back to Kon.]
Our dads are twins. That's why we look so much alike. I can tell dad and Uncle Juha apart, but some of the people in town have trouble with it.
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childhood trauma bonding
kon is eleven, and he's trying to figure out what he's supposed to do. he's not clueless about what happened, or the fact that it was always a possibility. so many saimaa settlements fall every year, every month, every week, and sometimes the other settlements won't hear about it until long after the fires have been put out and the dead have moved on. seeing the end of everything you've ever known on your doorstep leaves you shaken, but his sobs have been left behind on the lake.
it's just - boring, now. nothing to do, no answers, and everyone looks at his age and sees a child that should be coddled and sheltered, when he was smarter than a good chunk of the island around him. coddling him is a disservice.
(nevermind how alienated he is, compared to so many others in quarantine - the fair-haired, full-blooded finns that make him stand out like a sore thumb, with his japanese heritage so blatant in his hair and features.)
so, he finds ways of entertaining himself, insomuch as he can. it usually involves heckling the attendants. ] This food tastes like shit.
[ "what'd you say?" his attendant asks, tired and annoyed with him. kon looks up innocently, and repeats himself - albeit in japanese this time. ] The food tastes like the shit it looks like.
[ the exasperated stare he gets in response is normal, at this point, and the attendant leaves while muttering under finnish as if he can't understand what's being said. he just makes a face at their back, settling in against the side of his glass bubble of a quarantine "room," picking unhappily at the slop in the bowl. ]
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But Lalli knows. He just knows. Even if he, Onni, and Tuuri are safely tucked away in adjoining glass rooms and far away from their slowly-dying relatives, he still knows. Everyone who went to the harvest festival was exposed. Everyone. Only the handful of immune people on the island and the few lucky ones who hadn't gone there yet will be surviving this.
In his dreams, Lalli tries going out beyond his borders, looking for his parents and family. But all he ever finds is Onni, who quickly ushers Lalli back to his own dreams. "They're not mages," Onni reminds him, "They won't be up here." But Lalli still tries, too young to understand just what Onni means. Or why Onni looks so close to crying all the time.
It's the strange words of the boy in the cell next to him that bring Lalli out of his attempts to dreamwalk. Lalli only knows Finnish so he has no idea what's even being spoken, but when he looks over he sees someone who is both Finnish and not-Finnish at the same time. How confusing. Why hadn't he ever looked more closely at the person next to him?
(The answer, of course, is that Lalli doesn't know how to process everything that's happening and he has spent most of his time sleeping because he doesn't know what else to do besides look for his family in the dream world.)
Lalli looks to the other side of his room. Onni's on that side, though he is on the opposite side of his own room talking to Tuuri, who is further down than Lalli can reach. Since those two look busy, Lalli turns his focus to the sullen-looking boy who's poking at his food.]
Just don't eat it if you don't like it. They can't make you eat.
[The walls of the glass rooms are thick, but they can still hear each other through them if they speak up.]
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he just hasn't figured out if it's a shock thing, sleeping through the events that the other kids survived, or if it's something Else.
there's no one in his dreams for him to find, no matter what path he takes. and if there's no one the foxes can lead him to, then there aren't any mages amongst the survivors.
funny to think that the remnants of japan in this part of finland might be down to him, when all he's seen since getting here have been shades of blond, and none of them his family or neighbors. still, maybe he'll see the old man again - though that's the one thing he's trying not to think too much about, given the state he last saw him in.
but, ah. someone else talking to him.
his head lolls a little from where he had his cheek against his shoulder, temple tapping into the glass between them as he looks his way. his eyes are about the only thing blatantly finnish about him, clear and blue, and they focus on the source of the voice. he switches back to finnish, since he hasn't done anything to earn his ire. ]
Maybe, but I didn't survive an outbreak just to die of possible food poisoning or starvation. [ the food gets set aside, his legs coming up as he crosses his arms and just settles in. ] They won't give us anything else to do, or tell us what's going on outside of the boat, so I might as well see if they can do something about the food they're giving us.
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But for now, Lalli is just watching Kon with wide blue eyes. He's never really spoken to anyone outside of the people from his village before, so he is a little hesitant. Especially after everything that happened on the island with his grandmother and the other mages and scouts. But he listens to Kon's complaints, and really, he gets it. He's bored out of his mind too and the food is terrible. But it's also only for a few weeks. They can deal with the boredom, maybe.]
Can they even do anything? We're on a boat. We'll be out of here soon anyway, so we just have to force it down until then.
[And then...he doesn't know. Because he has no idea what's going to happen to all of them once they get off the boat at the capitol island.]
...orphanage food probably isn't going to be much better...
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looking back at lalli, he eyes him a little, before deciding to just. talk, he guesses. now that they're no longer keeping to themselves. it alleviates some of the itch of being stuck in these four glass walls, no privacy but nothing to do when you've already read all of the books that they'll give you. ]
Since they won't tell me anything, no matter what I ask? I doubt they can do much. Or they just think I'm too young to bother with. [ displeasure, there, but not surprise. he just picks at a thread on his sleeve absently, the shirt too big for his small frame. ]
... orphanage food is going to taste worse. So will military rations once we're eventually enlisted.
[ because what else would a bunch of orphans be good for? they already know he's a mage in training, so it's not going to be long for him - especially not while he's multilingual and too smart to leave to his own devices. ]
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I should have made Grandma listen. She could have stopped all of this.
[Maybe not ALL of it, if several islands got hit at once by the Kade. But at the very least his home would have been protected. And small children like him tend to think selfishly.]
Do you...did the same thing happen at your island too? With, um, someone infected sneaking past quarantine?
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he's not sure who's going to be left from his island. he hasn't seen his parents in a while, and the old man, the regulars... the scouts and their handful of mages... all the people he knew so well.
maybe the courier guy made it back to his toki kid on their island without bringing it back. he hopes so. ]
... the old man called it a kade. [ but he's feeling selfish and uncharitable, too, even if he won't say it as he mirrors lalli's position sullenly. ] He and the other adults in charge of things didn't know how it made its way to the island, but they guessed it piggybacked a mage sent out to scout somehow.
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She- she also told me not to look her in the eyes. That it can take over even immune people.
[He's holding onto his knees a little more tightly now. This is something he hasn't even told Onni yet.]
She snuck an infected rat past quarantine and then infected herself later. That's how she did it. And it's probably what happened on your island too.
...Grandma and I were the only immune people on the whole island. Tuuri and Onni weren't on the island at all so they were safe, but...everyone else...
[...
He looks up to Kon now. Lalli isn't very expressive of his emotions and it takes a keen eye to tell what he's thinking normally, but right now is one of the rare times where he's being obvious. He's worried. Very, very worried.]
A bunch of the adults went to the sheep island to do the harvest and were only back on our island for a few hours. They'll be okay, won't they? A few hours isn't long enough to get sick, right?
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even boss - ] I didn't - one of our mages had been hiding that he'd gone blind a while ago. Rash didn't take 'em, his eyes just... were bad, and got worse. I didn't know until he told us to leave, to give us a chance to get the people that might not've been infected out. But there weren't a lot of immune people on ours, either.
[ unlike with lalli's grandma, and kon with the adults of his island at the end, he meets lalli's gaze with little issue. perceptive as he is, it isn't hard to pick up that worry. but even as he thinks of the people gone to harvest, the people gathering supplies and food, the ones in quarantine between islands... all those people that came back just before all hell breaks loose...
he also thinks of the gunfire, the screaming, the shrieks drowning out pleas for help.
kon doesn't think that any of the exposed non-immune people are going to make it out alive. a few hours of exposure to the rash, to trolls, to beasts of any kind, is more than enough to kill just one person, let alone their little islands.
kon swallows. ]
We had traders and trappers come out of quarantine right before it happened. I'm sure them and your harvesters will be fine.
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...maybe.
[Lalli's eyes look a bit distant now.]
I keep looking for Mom and Dad, in my dreams. Onni says they're beneath the waters, since they're not mages, but...I want to see them again.
[Before they die. Because even if he wants to believe the people who went to the sheep island will be fine, he just knows they won't be.]
...
If you're here, you must be immune too. There's not a lot of people on this boat.
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maybe it'll come true. kon doubts it. ]
You're a mage, too? [ at least that's easier to talk about. ] I haven't found anyone while walking yet, but I know my parents won't be there. I haven't seen them in a while, anyways, so even if they were mages I don't think I'd run into them.
[ ... the others, though. the mages, even the very few immune... ]
... there were three of us, and we were all descendents of Japanese survivors that'd been in Old World Finland.
[ now it's just me for both, he doesn't say. ]
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[And now it's two. Though the similarities between his and Kon's situations aren't lost on him.]
Is that why your hair is black? Because of your ancestors being Japanese?
[He doesn't even know what Japanese is, but he can at least guess it's someone from a different country.]
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[ the rest were mixed, and lalli's questions have him reaching up to touch his hair, small fingers combing through his messy bangs. he asks it in a harmless way, so he doesn't feel a need to be defensive about it. ]
Both of my parents were half-Japanese, with me as the first mage in the family. They said that their Japanese grandparents were in Finland when Japan closed its shores. Apparently they were one of the first ones to completely cut off travel when the infection started to spread, so they could never go back.
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Oh. So sort of like what Iceland did? Does that mean Japan is out there somewhere too?
[Probably, but they'll never be able to reach it probably. Too many trolls between Finland and Japan.]
My Grandma's family lived on a big boat for a long time back then. Years and years! But then they brought it to an island and became part of my hometown. I didn't know any of them, they all died a long time ago except for Grandma, but Dad said Grandma's dad used to get seasick a lot just like how I do.
[Speaking of which, Lalli had looked pretty green the first couple days of quarantine. But he seems to have gotten used to it by now, at least to the point where he doesn't look like he'll get sick.]
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Yeah, like Iceland. It might be? There's no way to know for sure - I don't think anyone has any radios or things like that that we can use to cross all of Europe and Asia to try and talk to them, and it's not like we can dreamwalk to it. It might as well be on the moon.
[ that they have radios at all that let them communicate with one another in scandinavia is a miracle, and he's not dumb enough to try and walk to a wholeass island country in another continent. ]
My greatgrandparents were business people, in Finland for a big conference with a huge group, but they'd come to the Saimaa area to camp when their business was over. My greatgrandma wanted to go back to Japan early when the rash started to show up, but everyone else said their flight was a couple days away, and that they shouldn't rush. [ ... ] And then, y'know. Japan closed all borders. So they had to adapt. My parents left me on the island I was on to go to one of the farming islands without me, but there were other Japanese descendents there with me.
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So they got stuck. I bet they fought a lot about it.
But they must not have been the only ones, if there were other Japanese people around too.
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("we think it'd be for the best that you go to live on one of the bigger islands," his parents said, smiles strained. "we just don't understand you, right?") ]
My mom said that she was angry with my greatgrandpa for ages over it, and that they got together in the end to have my grandpa was a miracle. [ he pulls his hand away from his hair, mushing his cheek into his palm and just looking at lalli. at least he's less green, now. ] There's some more people, I think, across Saimaa at least? I don't know outside of that. We had the highest numbers, though, probably. As much as those islands can have big populations.
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[Lalli's bluntness is rearing its ugly head now. He doesn't mean anything by it, he's not trying to say Kon doesn't belong in Finland, but he's also missing that his words are a bit insensitive. Especially to someone who is probably all too familiar with the feeling of being an 'outsider'.
But he continues on, unaware of that problem.]
Maybe they'll come looking for you when you're out of quarantine. It's better than going to an orphanage.
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[ it'll be worse, actually, and he knows it. there's some dark-haired scandinavians here and there, but in a place like finland? he's more than just a sore thumb. and the old man, the shop regulars, they all tried to prepare him for it. the suspicion, the possible hostilities. ]
... I doubt it. [ the spark fades into something somber. ] My parents abandoned me already, so I was basically an orphan raised on the island anyways. If they're alive and they find out what happened, they'll probably think I'm dead.
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That second part is more concerning anyway.]
Why did they do THAT? Parents aren't supposed to abandon kids.
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I wanted to become more than just some farmer that hid away from the rest of the world like they were. I'm a mage, and I can build things, and I was already learning how to be a skald. They thought it'd be better if I got my nose out of books and machines, look at the world around me.
Except they were the ones that never left the farming island. They never learned anything more than that, and they wanted me to do the same. We got in a fight, and they decided it would be "for the best" for me to go to one of the bigger neighboring islands on my own.
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[It makes sense. Lalli is fortunate enough to have a mage for a grandmother, so she always spoke up for him. But he can imagine how frustrating it would be for someone who didn't have another family member to tell everyone "no, let him be a mage."]
It IS better for you to find ways to do what you want. But that doesn't mean they should push you away. Aren't parents supposed to help you figure stuff out?
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[ slowly, he curls the loose strand on his sleeve around his fingers before snapping it off, giving it a good tug and then tossing it off somewhere in the cage he's stuck in for a couple more weeks. boss, roku-san, ken...
gone, snapped, just like that string. he hopes that the swan was able to bring them to tuonela. ]
... you're lucky you had your grandma, and your Onni. He your brother or your cousin? [ their voices aren't carrying enough for onni to hear them, through the walls between them all, but he does notice that onni glances over their way when he realizes that lalli is talking to someone. kon looks at him for a moment, acknowledging, before looking back at lalli. ]
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[After saying that, Lalli turns to glance at Onni. The older Hotakainen looks exhausted, as he has for days now. Lalli would have thought all the sleep he gets would keep him rested, but maybe the worries are too heavy on his mind for sleep to recharge him.
He nods, to Onni, who nods in return, and then Lalli turns his attention back to Kon.]
Our dads are twins. That's why we look so much alike. I can tell dad and Uncle Juha apart, but some of the people in town have trouble with it.