laography | you got a heart that's born with a beat

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you got a heart that's born with a beat

❝ what's that now,
you forget how to breathe? ❞
I WANNA GET THAT THING RUNNIN'!

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THIS POST HAS POTENTIAL TO BECOME NSFW.

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[ kazu's breath hitches when ikki hovers so close to him, to the point where he really thinks he actually can't breathe properly and maybe he should call about a doctor's appointment later, because there's no way a person's heart beating this fast was normal.

ikki's words are muddled for a few seconds- kazu's distracted by finally looking at his face and oh, he wishes he hadn't, because the first thing that comes to mind is that he could definitely write a sonnet about ikki's eyes and isn't that just the gayest shit that's ever been thought up- but when kazu makes sense of them, he rolls his eyes and moves a hand up to bonk one of ikki's shoulders. stupid.

he takes a deep breath when ikki places a hand on his face, pursing his lips as he gathers his words, not wanting to mess up again, ] I'd never give up now when I want something... learned from the best, you know.

[ his voice is soft and his tone fond, a fresh wave of heat gracing kazu's skin. with that, he can pretty much admit that he's absolutely smitten- not that kazu hadn't realized it about himself a long time ago, when he started catching himself getting flustered when they were changing after a long day of training or when he started wondering how soft ikki's lips normally were after he saw them while they were chapped one day.

while it wasn't a new, brain-breaking realization for him, it does surprise him how strongly he feels and how okay he is with it. ikki is so close, touching his face in a way that kazu can't help but lean into, and he-

he wants to kiss him.

kazu wants to hide under his hat for the rest of his life and vomit everything he's ever eaten and if he's still got energy by the end of it he wants to throw himself out into traffic- but above all and overshadowing everything else at the moment, he wants to kiss his best friend, so he does. ]

Edited (I NEEDED A MORE DISTRESSED ICON) 2015-09-10 23:15 (UTC)

[ It's easy enough to tell when Kazu's actually made sense of what he's said, considering he gets hit for it, and Ikki's grin widens with renewed strength. They're really close, and he can see how pale his eyelashes are - gay, what the fuck - which is not something he ever realized was a thing. (He has, conversely, realized just how fucking blue Kazu's eyes are, but he prefers to not compare them to the very sky that he spends all his time looking up at. There are limits even he has, and that's one of them.) His eyebrows raise a little, mischievous and amused, but it all just winds up softening around the edges.

Because that's all he wanted, wasn't it? For people to take what they wanted, instead of just figuring they couldn't have it or expecting someone to give it to them, to control fate for them. Ikki isn't that kind of guy, never has been, even when others around him were. Kazu had been one of them, but to have the fundamental proof of his growth, hearing the words himself makes him puff up a little, smug like it's his achievement but proud that it's Kazu's. His second in command, the only person who's ever kept up with him all these years, even if he lagged behind every now and then when he wasn't nearly as confident. ]

You're damn right you did. I can't even give you shit about it, it'd be like knocking my great leadership skills.

[ Ikki should know better than to think that his boisterous ego hides what he really means, that Kazu doesn't know that there's more to what he says than the cocky, self-centered seeming words that come out of his mouth. But at least he doesn't have to think about it long, because he goes from watching Kazu, bent over him, to, well.

This -

This is not the first time he's ever been kissed out of the blue. Simca, Akito, Ringo, he's had a few of them sprung on him when he least expected it and has had varying reactions to each of them. They've all surprised him, for better or worse, and so does this one. Not because it feels like it's sudden, but more by the fact that it isn't at all weird, exactly like he thought. He would've figured that kissing your best friend, who is a guy, would be kind of fucking weird.

It kind of isn't, even if the position is way more suggestive than it has any right of being, but his mind kind of blanks out for a hot second. He goes still, his first reaction, before he actually kickstarts his brain again and does the first thing that comes to him. Which is ducking down before Kazu gets the wrong idea, hand actually properly framing his cheek as he kisses him back instead of just blinking stupidly. ]

[ mystery solved: ikki's lips are indeed as soft as he thought, and the discovery makes his chest swell. it's only a little bit odd; ikki's all harsh lines and loud words most days, so the softness of his lips feels a bit out of place. at least until he listens to the logical part of his brain that's telling him that of course lips are soft, they're meant to be- thinking of it like that just didn't make him as happy.

and he is happy, kazu realizes, as he moves to wrap an arm behind ikki's neck to keep him close and (hopefully) encourage him. kazu's always been the kind of guy that has trouble jumping into new things without doing extensive research on the subject- so he has looked this up before. 'how to kiss your best friend' brought up more results that he'd expected on google but he had still read extensively a few pages of results in, trying to commit all the tips and techniques to memory.

none of them actually helped right now.

kazu can't recall most of what he'd read; he's far too focused on ikki kissing him in return, and kazu tips his mouth against his a bit more just because he doesn't want him to stop. he guesses he can leave the methodical part of himself alone for now- kazu likes to make plans to feel confident, but when he's with ikki... it's easy to feel safe, and by extension easy to stop overthinking things and listen to what instincts are telling him.

like how instincts are telling him to wonder if the skin of ikki's neck tastes similar to kissing him, or how he really likes ikki's hand cupping his face like that and wouldn't mind him doing similar to his hair. how he wants to pepper ikki's face with kisses even though that's definitely very gay, but maybe being gay on ikki wouldn't be so bad if it meant they could hold hands when they had movie nights (so lame) or if he could run his mouth all the way down ikki's back-

but there's a problem with all that and its name is Improperly Timed Blood Flow to His Groin. kazu's eyes snap open and his whole body tenses. with such little distance between them he's pretty sure that ikki can't miss that, but perhaps if he stays as still as a deer in headlights it... won't be as obvious? god, kazu's never going to live this down, is he. ]

[ Shouldn't there be a difference, here? Akito is at least soft like a girl - even when Agito is in charge, despite all the sharp angles he makes himself out to be - but there isn't any difference between him and Kazu and the girls he's been kissed by in the past. Not where their lips meet, anyways, because there's definitely something different in his chest. It twists and clenches and weaves its way through his ribs, a warmth and odd kind of satisfaction, the fierce emotions that he frequently feels in varied cocktails when it comes to Kazu all amplified.

It's easy enough to take all of that, along with the arm hooked behind his neck to keep him in place, and focus on the kiss. He's not someone that's put a lot of research into this, rarely ever puts research into much of anything unless it's a pre-battle plan, but that's just who he is. He flies by the seat of his pants, lets his heart lead instead of his head. Instinct is what drives him, and he figures that he's got this downpat, at least for right now, especially since Kazu is properly kissing him back instead of getting lost in that big head of his.

Even now, though, he figures nothing will change. All of their change happened early on, when they were younger and stupider kids, their greatest problems being bullies that could barely hit harder than you. Sure, there was a hiccup when the Skull Saders thought they could get away with their shit, but after that - and after the weird cult thing - they just seemed closer. Ikki could look to his right and there was Kazu, ready for a fight or joining their stupid banter.

It's just that there's going to be a lot more kissing in the future, which he's pretty down for. A lot more of looking his fill without it being quite so damn weird in his head, coupled with a gay crisis and low key panic. And he can thread his fingers through Kazu's hair without it being for a dirty trick, or an absent ruffle. He almost does it now, fingers slipping down across his cheek, before he feels the body below his go very, very still. And then his attention drifts further down, and he pulls back a little - at least it lets him catch his breath - to...

Well, snort. Even as his cheeks burn again, he laughs, dropping his forehead down onto Kazu's shoulder. ]

Shit. [ he groans when ikki laughs, tilting his head back to look up at the ceiling. there's a tightness in his chest but unlike before when he was glad for it, this time it's due to how mortified he feels. why can't he ever have one cool, flawless moment?

kazu's confidence has gotten better over time, there's no denying that. but up to this point he'd only had to deal with things he and ikki could tangibly tackle together. if he needed a boost ikki was always there to help (and vice versa), and at the end of the day they were stronger friends- and people- for it. but this, whatever it was... what if ikki had just been going with the flow? what if this made him feel weird or uncomfortable? what if he didn't want to be around him anymore?

well, no, that last one he doesn't believe. kazu knows ikki and despite how ridiculous he can be, he also knows he isn't that petty or that much of an asshole. worst case scenario he'd just be told that he didn't feel the same way, or that he'd gone along with the kiss to try it but entering bonertown was too real too fast and he wasn't into it. and that was fine, it wouldn't be the end of the world. they'd still be friends and that's what mattered most.

his skin's radiating heat like no tomorrow, his hands are clammy, and thank god ikki's face is buried in his shoulder, because i'm frantically overthinking every choice i've ever made is practically written across his face.

kazu takes a deep breath, shaky, and after once again mourning the loss of his hat for the Nth time today, he manages to choke out, ] Sorry.

[ If there is anything that Ikki does not know how to deal with, he usually just barrels on through or relies on instinct to get through it. But in this case, he doesn't have any idea of what he's really doing, and he bets they're going to have to sit and figure that shit out together. Nevermind that Kazu is the type to sit down and click through the internet or whatever until ass o'clock in the morning, until he's read up on about fifty different things just because they were tangentially related, and probably has a better idea of this shit than he does.

Put aside the, you know, fact that now he's thinking about more than them just making out. Kazu shouldn't be allowed to groan and swear like that when they've been made aware of dicks? It isn't really that conducive to either of them keeping their cool, especially not when he thinks that Kazu smells kind of great where he's tucked his face.

So he just - he laughs a little, keeping his very red face where it is for a moment longer. Not that it hides his ears or the back of his neck, but he figures this is a good moment to compose himself. It's not very often that he gets embarrassed or flustered or turns fucking scarlet, so he's just going to hide until some of it goes down and he can figure out where to go from here.

What that winds up being is eventually sitting up, because he can practically hear how much Kazu is overthinking right now. The gears in his head are that fucking loud, and he has to rectify that. So he does, moving to no longer sit on Kazu even though he stays straddled over him, knees on either side of his waist as he looks down at him.

And he reaches out, clapping his hands on Kazu's cheeks twice, before he just cradles his face in his palms. ] Dude, c'mon. I'm gonna give you shit about this even when we're old and grey, but if we're gonna keep doing this it should probably not be on the floor and it should probably also be after a timeout. [ Because entering bonertown is so real, and he is resolutely not going to panic over it, because he is above such mortal things as panic, goddamnit. ]

[ the smack to his face startles those stupid gears into stopping, ikki's words clicking into place and soothing his nerves like only the fearless Sky King & Best Friend can. that's all it takes for kazu to trust and believe him wholeheartedly on the matter, and since he's comfortable enough to now- he laughs. ]

Yeah, that's a good point. [ he says after a moment, his hands moving to circle ikki's wrists so they can stay in place as kazu sits. he can still taste ikki on his lips when he licks them and thinking about it flusters him, but his heart feels like its overflowing and the nausea he gets when he usually thinks about dating isn't there- so that had to be a good sign, right? .

it's a split second decision, but as kazu's moving to actually stand he leans in to kiss ikki again, moving back before anything deeper can come from it and looking all too innocent about it. never mind that he's the one that mostly needs a timeout. thanks to the (way too sappy) thought that they'd still be together after such a long time, as more than just friends with something that he feels is only going to bring them even closer together, he just can't help himself.

kazu brushes his fingers through his hair as he fetches his hat, eyes still glued to ikki. ] D'you want some water or something?

Edited 2015-09-12 00:16 (UTC)

[ There, much better. Ikki is satisfied, hearing Kazu laughing instead of pretty much getting his overthinking in stereo. So he lets it pass for the meantime, even though he does have every intention of giving him so much shit over the fact he popped a boner during their first kiss. ]

I always have good points. [ He really doesn't, but whatever. Rather than drawing away, he lets Kazu hold his hands where they are, where he marvels at the difference there. His hands are so heavily calloused now from the training that Sora had put him through, but Kazu's cheeks are so soft and smooth and he can't help but brush his thumbs over them for a second. It's thoughtless, but still fascinated.

And then Kazu kisses him again, and he's still a little surprised by it. Like he can't quite wrap his head around the fact that it's happening. It's only when Kazu's pulling back, though, that he actually lowers his hands and looks up at him as he stands up, contemplative. This is typically a dangerous thing, but he's trying to reassess everything and better categorize it in his head. Nothing is going to change, at its core, but everything is going to change. Of course they're going to be old and grey together - that was a given - but it doesn't even click in his head that he said something so fucking sappy until he's tracking Kazu's movements and thinking.

At least he does, eventually, grab his shirt off the floor to pull it back on as he stands up himself. Nevermind that he's smiling like a dope to himself while he does it. ] Sure, yeah. Gotta stay hydrated after delivering a smackdown.

You played dirty! [ he says with a pseudo annoyed huff as he tugs his hat down on his head, and everything's right with the world then- though kazu finds he needs it even less around ikki at this moment and he's glad for it.

he makes sure to shove at ikki's shoulder lightly on his way to the kitchen, smiling at the produce like he wants to get friendly with it when he opens the fridge. it was a new feeling, that's for sure. he and ikki were closer than anyone else he could think of, they had been for years and even after their friendship had been tested time and time again they were still going strong. so the knowledge that now they'd be even closer? that they could get to know each other in every single way?

it was too much, and in result kazu ends up with his forehead pressed to the refrigerator door that was still closed (because ikki wasn't looking, right? why would he follow him into the kitchen when kazu had offered to get water for him?), looking all too fondly at the water bottles as he focuses on evening out his breath. he's an embarrassing guy and he wasn't about to stop now.

it all happens in a matter of seconds, though, and kazu shakes his head to snap out of it. he grabs the water and fetches a bowl while he's at it, dumping in a few different kinds of chips and junk food before he calls out without looking behind him, ]

Hey, did you still wanna watch that new wrestling movie? Buccha gave me a copy of his DVD.

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this took forever, sorry!