laography | you got a heart that's born with a beat

❝ what's that now,
you forget how to breathe? ❞
I WANNA GET THAT THING RUNNIN'!

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THIS POST HAS POTENTIAL TO BECOME NSFW.

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HALLELUJAH. panic! at the disco.
Then the time for being sad is over
And you miss him like you miss no other
And being blue is better than being over it (over it)

[ being reunited with iwaizumi was a good thing.

of course it was a good thing. oikawa cried, like the crybaby he was as a kid, big, ugly tears when he hugged his best friend for the first time in years, but that kind of emotional reaction--did he even deserve to have it? it was oikawa's fault that they didn't speak, when he tore his acl ("you'll never play again, tooru") and he just-- he did things he wasn't proud of, now, lost himself to his pain meds and alcohol and let go of the future he'd worked for his whole life, because he'd taken a step wrong to set a toss.

for a long time, it felt permanent. what the doctors said felt right. he dropped off the face of the earth for five years, five years of drinking and forgetting, an angry, vicious storm of a person who'd once been a light, the kind of thing that was so bright it hurt to look at. but one day, he blacked out, and he woke up in a hospital bed with dark circles under his eyes so big they looked stamped there, a head full of cotton and a mouth that tasted like vomit, with iwaizumi hajime sitting at his bedside.

that was a few months ago, now. he's been recovering in more ways than one--kicked the pain pills with sheer determination, took his first baby steps, his first jog, his first sprint ( they said it might be a miracle, that he must love playing so much to go back to it, that he could be hurt so easily again and he had to be careful, so careful, and oikawa was so tired of that word. ) but some nights are still rough, and part of that is maybe because after he'd been out of iwaizumi's life for so long, he wouldn't let him out of his sight again. part of it is that he ended up moving in with him, but the rift between them caused by five years of silence and a fight that oikawa caused is huge, a gap that can't just be fixed with a playful word and a glare.

so, instead of clambering into iwaizumi's bed to be annoying, instead of asking him for snacks or calling him up to go ufo hunting on the roof or to play volleyball outside, oikawa's in his bed in his room in the apartment, alone. curled up on his side, blankets pulled up to his chin.

it's better to be sad about it than to have it gone, probably, he laments to himself. how pathetic you really are, tooru. ]

[ When Oikawa had dropped off the face of the earth - even stopped talking to his family, because Iwaizumi kept in contact with them, tried to glean what he could from them, tried to support them, tell them it would be fine - he had nearly lost his mind. It had resulted in Tobio, which had honestly taken Matsukawa and Hanamaki pointing it out to him for him to realize he'd basically dated the female version of his best friend for nearly two years before there'd been an accidental pregnancy and a breakup.

Going to different universities really had given them different futures than he'd ever anticipated, but he had still kept Oikawa's number in his phone, all his texts, everything he could to hold onto his childhood friend until one day he'd just -

The call that he'd gotten had been the most terrifying thing to ever happen to him. Flashbacks to their childhood when Oikawa had climbed a fucking tree and nearly cracked his head open falling out of it was the only thing he could compare it to, but he'd run even faster this time when the words sunk in. ("Is this Iwaizumi Hajime? You're listed as Oikawa Tooru's emergency contact - there's been an incident, and...")

Reconnecting has been a struggle. Some people can stop being friends and then reconnect immediately when they fall into each others' lives again, but Hajime has spent his time feeling anger and sadness and remorse in spades, relief that his best friend survived overdosing but hurt that he didn't rely on him like they had relied on one another all throughout their school years together. Happy to have a nuisance at every corner, even if he knows that his best friend hates his son for the mistakes his father made.

But he misses his best friend more than ever, now, when he sees him sitting across the kitchen table. When he knows that he's just a room away. The chasm between them is vast, one that they've only really shouted across rather than tried to span. So he stands on one side, staring out across it at Oikawa's retreating back as he gets his feet back under him, and he mourns the loss.

So rather than allow it to widen, Iwaizumi eyes the clock for a moment before he sighs, heavy and miserable. He climbs out of bed, checks on Tobio in his room, and then heads towards Oikawa's. It's strange to think that he's living there, but he refused to let him leave after he'd taken him home from the hospital, and so here they are.

And here he is, opening the door and stepping in without pretense. He does the same coming to his bed, lifting a foot to nudge at his hip. ] Move over.

you got a heart that's born with a beat

iwaizumi tobio au!! i might just write u a starter to go with this when i'm not in cosplay hell

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your couch