this is a call out post. you know what to do with it, i don't know why you need me to explain anything. some characters (faded on the roster) require canon review, and are technically unavailable. you can still request them, though. it'll just take me longer to get to them.
( when ogiwara came to the final game of the winter cup, kuroko cried. kagami's only response was "that's him?". he felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. there he was, on the court with the light - the true light - to his shadow... the person who stole his heart, one little piece at a time. one midnight one-on-one at a time... but ogiwara had it first. and ogiwara... well. kuroko stood on the court, tears on his cheeks out of happiness to hear ogiwara's voice cheering him on; kagami's voice brought him back down. kuroko could tell, though. he could tell that kagami was jealous of ogiwara. and the way kuroko's chest tightened when ogiwara spoke... well. it lights a fire. a different one than ogiwara's; just as bright, just as hot, but different. that's when he's sure.
after practice a couple of weeks later, kuroko pulls kagami aside and asks him if they can walk home together. kagami, as usual, says yes. it's going to be a very long walk, and possibly have a great number of stops. but there are things even the light in his life doesn't really know about him. kuroko doesn't talk that much about his feelings when they aren't related to basketball. he doesn't tell that many stories about his past. he's pretty stoic, all things considered. he has a lot of emotions, but he channels them very well. he keeps them in check, and he only lets them out on the court, when his team needs him to. it's a very well-tempered reserve of feelings. but this is something he feels kagami both needs, and deserves, to know.
when they're a decent distance away from school, away from the crowds of other students and their teammates, he stops. kuroko doesn't say anything about stopping. he just does, and he sits on a wall that lines the sidewalk, trees planted along it. he sighs. this is going to be a difficult conversation, he thinks. no matter how comfortable he is with kagami, this is something he's never spoken about to anyone but kise - and the only reason he talked to kise at all was to give a brief explanation of some of the origin of the passionate way he approaches his sport. kise doesn't even know the half of it.
there's a hard, dry lump in his throat, a knot in his stomach, and his chest feels tight. breathing seems so much more difficult now than it ever has. but he knows kagami will listen in earnest... but it might hurt him. and that terrifies kuroko more than anything. he's also scared to open himself up to feeling that vulnerable. he never doubts that kagami would be right there by his side to help him through, but kuroko's not sure he wants to create the avenue for kagami to dislike someone who's been so influential in his life... someone who is so important to him, and who is such an important part of his history. and if he knows kagami... he takes a breath in slowly, and exhales. relax. conceal don't feel don't let them knooooooooow... )
[ When he really thinks about it, Kagami figures he doesn't have much of a right to be jealous. He understands the core reason of why he's jealous, he does. And he realizes that it's not... necessarily fair, because he has Tatsuya, that was the reason for his passion, his drive, for him even playing basketball. It's the reason why he even joined the basketball club, why he even met Kuroko. But it's also all in the past, for the both of them.
But he also knows that he's jealous for more than Ogiwara being the origin of Kuroko's story.
It's fairly hard to manage the emotions in him, because Kagami is fairly simple in the grand scheme of things, but he does it. For the sake of not losing Kuroko, for not losing his other half, the person that doesn't necessarily complete him, but rather balances him. As if he had been set on the scales, and was left there to wait until Kuroko Tetsuya entered his life, the perfect weight, his shadow. And, now, he can hardly imagine a world without him in it. So, he can't do anything to risk it, not when he would be positively fucking lost if Kuroko just... left.
This, unfortunately, is a reoccurring nightmare for him, one that he hates thinking about because of how desperate and stupid it makes him feel when he thinks about it. Which results in him pushing it down, just like these stupid, stupid feelings he harbors for Kuroko.
The inevitable happens, though. Kuroko is not one to leave things be, and Kagami is about as obvious as possible. He wears his emotions on his sleeve, because that's all he knows. He puts his all into everything, not just basketball, and if anyone were to notice... well, Kuroko would. They've learned everything about one another, and even if he tries to act like everything is normal he knows that with one look Kuroko can read him.
But the same can be said of light to shadow.
As he stops, Taiga does as well. Off the court, their sync is more than a little ridiculous, so long as Kuroko hasn't gone and snuck up on him. This time, though, he's so hyperfocused on him because of his behavior that he can feel his chest constricting, concern and worry and dread all rolled into one. But he still moves to drop down next to Kuroko, so close he could almost touch him with just the slightest shift to the side. ]
( a bomb will drop at some point during this conversation. kuroko can see it coming. he can feel it coming. and he'll be in the same situation as he was before, all over again. he knows kagami probably doesn't even like guys... ogiwara doesn't. not many of the athletic guys he knows do. there's kise, but kise is kise. he, and kuroko, are kind of the exception to the rule. he keeps it a secret, most of the time. the possibility of reward is so slim that he almost feels like the risk isn't worth it. he could lose kagami forever. he could lose everything. but...
he bunches his hands into fists and stares at his lap. he even leans a little bit away from kagami. if he touches him now, kuroko might just break and become a wild, uncontrolled flood. his eyes close for a moment. the tone in kagami's voice is dangerous. everything right now is dangerous. )
I've never told anyone before. ( . . . ) Please promise you won't storm off.
[ Despite what people might think about Kagami, he's not exactly oblivious to everything. Maybe he's blunt, but he's never seen a point of mincing words. It hasn't made him many friends in the past, but he has Seirin now, he has Tatsuya as his brother again, he's had Alex and his dad. He's had Kuroko. He doesn't care, so long as that doesn't ever change.
The problem is, this barely kept secret could very well change that. (Japan is so different from the States, he'd grown up not even thinking that these kind of feelings should be strange. But the moment that he'd come back to his birth country, it was like being slapped in the face.)
Him becoming like the Generation of Miracles, the one that had abandoned teamwork, could very well change that. (A thing that nearly happened, a near miss, a constant threat looming on the horizon.)
Kuroko realizing that he can do so much better could change that. (A reality, because Kuroko can, Aomine proves that there's at least one light out there that shines just as brightly.)
He notices Kuroko moving away, and clenches his fists before he shifts. His legs come up, and he folds his arms on top of them, resting his cheek against the bicep closest to Kuroko so that he's looking in the opposite direction. After all, maybe that will make this easier. Everything about him is tense, but unlike the predatory sense that leaves him prepared to leap like a spring released, it's a nervous energy that thrums through his entire body. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
after practice a couple of weeks later, kuroko pulls kagami aside and asks him if they can walk home together. kagami, as usual, says yes. it's going to be a very long walk, and possibly have a great number of stops. but there are things even the light in his life doesn't really know about him. kuroko doesn't talk that much about his feelings when they aren't related to basketball. he doesn't tell that many stories about his past. he's pretty stoic, all things considered. he has a lot of emotions, but he channels them very well. he keeps them in check, and he only lets them out on the court, when his team needs him to. it's a very well-tempered reserve of feelings. but this is something he feels kagami both needs, and deserves, to know.
when they're a decent distance away from school, away from the crowds of other students and their teammates, he stops. kuroko doesn't say anything about stopping. he just does, and he sits on a wall that lines the sidewalk, trees planted along it. he sighs. this is going to be a difficult conversation, he thinks. no matter how comfortable he is with kagami, this is something he's never spoken about to anyone but kise - and the only reason he talked to kise at all was to give a brief explanation of some of the origin of the passionate way he approaches his sport. kise doesn't even know the half of it.
there's a hard, dry lump in his throat, a knot in his stomach, and his chest feels tight. breathing seems so much more difficult now than it ever has. but he knows kagami will listen in earnest... but it might hurt him. and that terrifies kuroko more than anything. he's also scared to open himself up to feeling that vulnerable. he never doubts that kagami would be right there by his side to help him through, but kuroko's not sure he wants to create the avenue for kagami to dislike someone who's been so influential in his life... someone who is so important to him, and who is such an important part of his history. and if he knows kagami... he takes a breath in slowly, and exhales. relax.
conceal don't feel don't let them knooooooooow...)... Kagami-kun.
no subject
But he also knows that he's jealous for more than Ogiwara being the origin of Kuroko's story.
It's fairly hard to manage the emotions in him, because Kagami is fairly simple in the grand scheme of things, but he does it. For the sake of not losing Kuroko, for not losing his other half, the person that doesn't necessarily complete him, but rather balances him. As if he had been set on the scales, and was left there to wait until Kuroko Tetsuya entered his life, the perfect weight, his shadow. And, now, he can hardly imagine a world without him in it. So, he can't do anything to risk it, not when he would be positively fucking lost if Kuroko just... left.
This, unfortunately, is a reoccurring nightmare for him, one that he hates thinking about because of how desperate and stupid it makes him feel when he thinks about it. Which results in him pushing it down, just like these stupid, stupid feelings he harbors for Kuroko.
The inevitable happens, though. Kuroko is not one to leave things be, and Kagami is about as obvious as possible. He wears his emotions on his sleeve, because that's all he knows. He puts his all into everything, not just basketball, and if anyone were to notice... well, Kuroko would. They've learned everything about one another, and even if he tries to act like everything is normal he knows that with one look Kuroko can read him.
But the same can be said of light to shadow.
As he stops, Taiga does as well. Off the court, their sync is more than a little ridiculous, so long as Kuroko hasn't gone and snuck up on him. This time, though, he's so hyperfocused on him because of his behavior that he can feel his chest constricting, concern and worry and dread all rolled into one. But he still moves to drop down next to Kuroko, so close he could almost touch him with just the slightest shift to the side. ]
Yeah.
no subject
he bunches his hands into fists and stares at his lap. he even leans a little bit away from kagami. if he touches him now, kuroko might just break and become a wild, uncontrolled flood. his eyes close for a moment. the tone in kagami's voice is dangerous. everything right now is dangerous. )
I've never told anyone before. ( . . . ) Please promise you won't storm off.
no subject
The problem is, this barely kept secret could very well change that. (Japan is so different from the States, he'd grown up not even thinking that these kind of feelings should be strange. But the moment that he'd come back to his birth country, it was like being slapped in the face.)
Him becoming like the Generation of Miracles, the one that had abandoned teamwork, could very well change that. (A thing that nearly happened, a near miss, a constant threat looming on the horizon.)
Kuroko realizing that he can do so much better could change that. (A reality, because Kuroko can, Aomine proves that there's at least one light out there that shines just as brightly.)
He notices Kuroko moving away, and clenches his fists before he shifts. His legs come up, and he folds his arms on top of them, resting his cheek against the bicep closest to Kuroko so that he's looking in the opposite direction. After all, maybe that will make this easier. Everything about him is tense, but unlike the predatory sense that leaves him prepared to leap like a spring released, it's a nervous energy that thrums through his entire body. ]
I promise I won't go anywhere. [ Now. Ever. ]