laography | you could be my ever after

[ The moment that the black smoke leaves Stiles' body, Derek releases his wrist and quickly moves to fully hold his face. It's to reassure himself that Stiles is still alive, that he's okay, but also to keep him from cracking his head back onto the forest floor. Worry is quickly overtaken by relief, and his thumbs sweep over his cheeks as he wheezes.

If it weren't for the fact that the entire scenario was a fucking mess, he might have laughed at Stiles and what he manages to get out before he's unconscious. But it's drained him even in its brevity, and he can feel every second of it wearing on his soul.

But he still takes on the weight of Stiles, lifting him effortlessly into his arms and holding him close. He'll send him home soon, but for now Heaven's walls are the safest place for them to be. ]

[ Stiles could also not tell you how long he was passed out. The last thing he remembered was Kate, and the first thing his mind decided to remind him of was her, again--there's an indescribable pain as a nightmare grips him around the throat and makes him wake up gasping for air, and--

...and not possessed by some creepy demon. Staring blearily at the walls in front of him, Stiles tries to process everything that's going on. His head is pounding, and his arm hurts, but a quick glance down reveals it's bandaged up and not bleeding all over the place; and there's a Derek attached to it.

...Oh. Well. That's new.

Squinting, he looks around. This isn't home, so it must be the Heaven kingdom; it's maybe only the second time he's been here, and if he wasn't so damn exhausted, he'd be thrilled. For now there was something more to worry about, and as he flexes the fingers on his hurt arm experimentally, Stiles turns his attention back to the "guard dog" who just saved his life.]

...Shouldn't you be with Cas? [ His voice comes out raspier than he expected. ]

[ Despite the weariness he can feel in his bones, Derek is awake the moment that Stiles is gasping for air. But he doesn't move, and doesn't open his eyes. He knows they're safe, feels the heavenly host all around him and, for once, does not feel like he's being constantly judged for his actions. For being there. Instead, he feels only a warmth that promises protection, at least for their current guest.

He keeps his head nestled against his own arm, fingers of his other hand curled loosely over Stiles' arm. Melissa had assured him that Stiles would be fine when he woke up, but he'd refused to leave his bedside regardless. Castiel had, at least, been understanding and accepting-- which, not exactly new-- and Scott had actually required talking out of the room. When he made friends, he made them for life.

His shoulders and back rise as he takes in a deep breath, shifting his head just a little to get a kink out of his neck but otherwise not moving. ]

Scott is with him.

Oh--Christ, you're awake. [ He definitely jumped when Derek actually spoke--a good sign that he's, well. Stiles again. Settling back against the pillows, he turns his attention away again, looking around. Everything in him aches, and there's an exhaustion that's settled over him that's so intense that he's pretty sure if he gets up, he's going to fall over, but he's alive. He survived a demon possession, and a nasty one, too.

The first question out of his mouth isn't what you might expect. ] -Are you okay? [ Because he watched. He heard. He heard every fucking word. ]

You talked. [ Not actually the reason why he woke up, but he's not going to tell Stiles that he's so in tune with him and has been since he was brought to Heaven. Grumbling faintly, just a noise, he shifts where his hand is settled to touch skin gently. No healer like a number of the angels, he can still take some of the soreness from Stiles' body to make his consciousness a little more comfortable. Not much else he can do for the after effects of demonic possession, but it's still something he can do.

Especially given who it was that had found Stiles.

His eyes actually open at the question, and he flicks them up to look at Stiles. ]

I'm fine.

[ His brow furrows. Stiles is nothing but not stubborn. ]

Are you?

[ He stares right back at him, amber eyes matched with clear green and hazel. Now that Derek's trying to take his pain away, his head's clearing up just a little, and it's at least letting him focus. Absentmindedly, he turns his hand palm up, half to try and sneak a peek at the huge cut on his arm and half a subconscious gesture. ]

I wasn't the one that was possessed by a demon.

[ Derek stares back unfalteringly, though he can feel the subtle shift of Stiles' arm as he turns his hand over. For a moment he doesn't react to it, as oil fills his veins and he can feel an ache overtaking his already still-sore body. But after a moment, his hand shifts so that it's overlapping part of Stiles', warmth of his palm pressed to his. ]

You look better than you did this morning.

[ He's not fine. He's not okay. There's a burn in his chest and the quiet reminder that he was once possessed in a different way by the same demon. ]

Considering I'm not murdering people, yeah, I'll take that as a plus. [ He's obviously not happy with taking the distraction tactics for an answer, and where their hands are overlapping, he matches their hands, fingers to fingers, even as he's dropping his head back and looking up at the ceiling instead of at Derek. ]

...I heard everything, I saw everything.

[ Looking down at their hands when Stiles looks to the ceiling, he brushes his thumb along the shape of Stiles', trying to think of a way to distract from that admission. He doesn't want to talk about this, doesn't want to talk about the demon or what it said. Doesn't want Stiles to remember a moment of it. ]

Of all the demons that could have found you. [ A humorless chuff leaves him, bitter and hollow. ]

I'm sorry.

[ He blurts that out quick as anything, finally returning to look at him again. Sorry he let himself get possessed (Dean was going to kill him later), sorry it was her, sorry for what she did. Kate had been her name, and she was the one who killed Derek's family in cold blood. She made him fall in love with her, she'd told Stiles so gleefully, while she was doing god only knew what to him, making him watch while she tormented Derek, and then, she killed every single "monster" in their family. The Hales were a ruined name, everyone knew that, but as soon as he saw the form Kate chose to take in his head--when she stole his own body-he knew. ]

For the record, everything she said was a balls out lie. Like, seriously, cross my heart, grab my wrist and threaten me until you can hear my heartbeat, she's a filthy, awful. Well. Demon.

[ Movements stopping, Derek keeps his eyes on their hands for a long time before he finally lifts them to look back up at Stiles. Because there's always two sides to him-- one that thinks everything Kate could ever say to him is true, and one that thinks everything is a lie. But there's always truth to a demon's lie. Always.

It was how she'd managed to weasel her way in, in the first place. With a pretty face and bright, blue eyes that burned cold, and a mission under her skin that he'd never know if the host had gone along with or had been fighting every step of the way.

After a long moment, he shifts to sit up in his seat, never moving his hand from Stiles'. ]

I can already hear your heartbeat. [ It's not entirely dismissing what Stiles says, but he focuses on that first. ] Demons don't stop a heartbeat, exactly, but the strain they put on a vessel is enough to make it... quiet. Muted.

[ He shifts his hold on their hands, bringing them up and resting his forehead against their knuckles as he actually takes Stiles', fingers lacing together. ]

Lucky for me, I'm kinda hard to...[ Oh, he wasn't expecting that. The gesture is so heartfelt, so--raw, almost, something he'd never seen from Derek before, that he has to stop, voice petering off. ] ...kill.

[ The look in his eyes when he does finally meet his gaze is heartbreaking. There's a part of him that wants to sweep across and throw his arm around his neck and hold him there, try to make him forget about everything that just happened. Stiles isn't so keen on the idea of being used as someone's meatsuit, period, but being used as someone's meatsuit specifically designed to hurt someone close to him, that was just unacceptable.

It brings back a couple of things she said, because his brain is a traitor, and some of them were true. The part where he'd been screaming at Kate to kill him, to kill Stiles, definitely true. The part about the dirty thoughts--and ew, how violating that was--also definitely true. But the rest of it was so disgustingly full of lies, it made him want to shudder, trying his best to forget everything--to make Derek forget everything.

She's gone, now, and with mostly minimal physical damage to them both. It's the emotional damage that might not heal.

Stiles' thumb brushes against the side of Derek's hand, and he manages a small, weary smile, trying to lighten the mood a little. ] Course you knew it wasn't me, I haven't done anything quietly in my entire life.

Sort of like a cockroach. [ With no bite to his words, Derek just tilts his head a little so that it's his temple against their hands, looking more directly at Stiles as he regards him. He's tired, more emotionally than physically, and there's a fire burning under his skin again. A painful reminder that he was the one that brought a demon into his home, into the lives of his pack, and he was the reason they had been snuffed out when they'd done nothing wrong. They'd simply lived on the outreaches of Heaven's kingdom, worked with angel and man and so-called monster with no prejudice in their blood.

Laura would have liked Stiles, he thinks. Peter's little girl, too, probably. His little cousin Jacob would have thought he was a riot, while his parents would have probably questioned his general behavior but found him funny. It would've been easy for him to keep up with pack, keep them all guessing even while he ran with them.

But Kate ensured that it would never happen, and he can only guess at how his pack would react to the boy that Derek has been trying to figure out ever since they met.

And Kate almost took him, too. The thought makes him sick, and his fingers tighten a little around Stiles' as he tries to push it away. Push away the thought of Stiles screaming for Kate to kill him, to stop and just kill him. Not that she would ever have listened, not in the way that he'd want her to have. ]

You were too quiet, and you smelled awful. [ His nose crinkles, though otherwise his expression remains fairly even and calm. ]

I always smell awful. [ It's hard to watch. He's not a mind reader, he doesn't have Derek's senses, can't smell his emotions, but right now he doesn't need to. Stiles is observant, always has been--he can feel the way his hand twitches around his own, see the crinkle of his nose, the expression in his light eyes. It's like nothing he's ever seen before, especially out of Derek of all people, and when his hand tightens, Stiles returns the favor. It's not much, but it's something, a tether. Something to keep him here instead of adrift in the memories that must have had to do with her. ]

It's kind of my job as a sweaty teenage boy. [ It's so much more than the stupid banter. It's the way he won't drop his gaze from Derek's, the way his hand threads through his like a lifeline. Yeah, he's in a shitload of pain--demon possession isn't exactly a walk in the park--but this is so much more important. ]

You smelled like sulfur and blood. [ Derek doesn't want to talk about this. ] And smoke.

[ But he does anyways. He looks at Stiles as he speaks, low and quiet and private, and he lets the words come out of his mouth. It's hard to do, but he does it anyways because there's just something about Stiles that's different, always has been. He's not sure what it is, isn't sure he'll ever figure it out, but it's Stiles regardless.

Something about the light in his amber brown eyes, he thinks.

He anchors himself in his touch and his voice and his eyes, in the way that the warmth of his scent returns from the toxic thing that Kate had made it. ]

Good thing I don't, anymore. [ That comes out a little unsure--he's trying to be reassuring, but he's not Scott, he's not all puppy eyes and touchy feely. No, he's just Stiles, the kid with more limbs than sense and more snark that sympathy. But he wants to say the right thing, wherever it's hiding. He wants to make the look in his eyes--beaten, broken--go away.

He tightens his fingers a little, trying to keep his gaze steady. His dad always taught him the best way you could be sincere was to hold someone's eyes. ]

Promise I'm not gonna go around wearing eau d'demon ever, so I think you can safely say that's the end of that assault on your nose.

I think it'd be an understatement for me to say I'd really prefer it if you didn't. [ There's an agreement there-- it is good that he doesn't-- but he's mostly focused on reassuring Stiles just as much as he's trying to reassure him. Even as he keeps eye contact with him, expression quiet and tired but softer than any he gives most people around him. It's not one he ever thought he'd give Stiles, but here he is now, holding onto him with more relief than he ever thought he'd feel again. ]

Prefer the intricacies of 'sweaty teenage boy' over the stink of sulfur, really. It suits you more. [ But there are so many intricacies to Stiles' scent, and he could break them down in the best way he can describe if someone asked him to. There's so many identifiers, so many smells that are exclusive to him in their combinations. ]

[ His nose wrinkles and he rolls his eyes, a quiet snort escaping him as he finally breaks the gaze, closing his eyes for a second. He should fall into silence, should let this go, but he can't, not with so many questions on the tip of his tongue, so many condolences. Was it true? Did he really--did she really--? And all those questions about being attached...

He lost his mother and he remembered what it felt like, how he heard so many people saying sorry it stopped mattering, and it takes him chewing his cheek before he can think of something less invasive to say.

It's kind of terrifying how alike they are, some days. He can remember the crushing guilt from his mother's death without even having to try. ]

Most people have the distinct preference of "Stiles, get the hell away from me", so I'm totally taking that as a compliment.

[ As Stiles closes his eyes, Derek keeps his on his face-- scans it, takes in every mark, the upturn of his nose, the way his lashes fall over his cheeks, the curve of his mouth-- as if trying to commit it to memory. But in actuality, he's reassuring himself that this is Stiles. When he opens his eyes, they won't be full of ink and nothing else, just warm like whiskey.

Under all the guilt, something in him relaxes when he sees his eyes as they should be. ]

Funny how that changes, isn't it.

[ At one point, that might've been his view on the teenager. Grating and confrontational, snarky with what had originally been asinine comments to Derek. But then, there'd been a shift between them. The similarities slowly came to light, and they'd found a steady rapport with their humor and stupid banter. He still isn't sure what exactly caused it, but he's...

Well, he's a little thankful for it. ]

It sounds like you like me or something. [ Rolling his head across the pillows, he lifts his mouth in a lopsided smile, banter familiar and not at all influenced by a pair of inky, dark eyes. From here he can see Derek well enough--it's weird to imagine the fact that he's. Leaving his duty, technically.

To spend time with Stiles. ]

Admit it, I totally grew on you. I'm adorable. [ He's gladly latching onto that for a distraction, relieved to have something else to focus on--even so, his grip on Derek's hand hasn't loosened, and maybe it's just, for once, his actions speaking volumes more than his stupid words. ]

You're something, all right. [ And that, that finally gets Derek to smile a little. It's one where his mouth quirks down more at the corners than it does up, and he chuffs faintly. This time, though, it's not quite as hollow as earlier. Instead, there's some amount of humor behind it as he looks down at Stiles. ]

Fungus, maybe. [ Bringing his free hand up, he frames Stiles' own on the other side, enclosing it in warmth and reassuring himself further. He's all right, and Derek will make sure that he stays that way.

He's a man of action over words, so being anchored the way he is speaks absolute volumes to him. ]

[ Derek's smile makes his shoulders wilt a little, and he returns the favor, the same downward facing smile his dad always said made him look like his mom. He did something right, apparently, and there's an undeniable whoosh of feelings that come up as Derek's other hand covers his. It's weird but it's not...unwelcome, definitely not unwelcome, and he drops his head back against the feather pillows again, letting the warmth of the heavenly host and the feeling of Derek's hands around his own push away the constant ebb of pain. ]

Yeah? Well, like a fungus, I think the only way you're getting rid of me is throwing me away. There's no killing me at this point. I'm invincible. [ Now he's just being a doofus, but that's okay. ]

I don't know, I have a good seventy pounds at least on you. I could chuck you pretty far, pretty easily.

[ But even as he says it, Derek is examining their hands together, slowly unthreading their fingers so that he can ghost calloused fingertips down across the length of Stiles' arm. They brush over the bandages that his aunt and Scott's mother put in place, feather light and carefully gentle as he follows the exact course that his dirk had taken in Kate's control.

It will heal, better than it would in the middle kingdom, but that doesn't change the fact that it happened.

Still, his expression remains soft and a quiet sort of amused, even as his eyes fall half-shut and stay on the stark white of gauze over fair skin. ]

I'll come back. [ That he says with certainty, even though his expression flickers as Derek releases his hand. He doesn't have enough time to worry, to ponder what did I say wrong, before his fingers are giving him goosebumps up his arm. He tracks the path with his eyes, following his gaze the entire time before blurting out-- ]

--I'm fine. [ How many times can he say it? How many times can he repeat it. He's fine, there's nothing to be upset about. He's not worth it--never will be. ]

I'm more than sure of that. [ His expression does falter a little there, as Stiles blurts out the words that are an attempt to reassure. But in the time that he's gotten to know Stiles, there's an undercurrent to why he says it. Maybe he can't pinpoint every reason, but he's not stupid and he's not blind or deaf. Stiles acts a certain way, a way that can get a little self-depreciating if you're observing.

Lowering his head, he bumps his nose into Stiles' palm, a decidedly canine action as it turns his face against his long fingers. He can feel his pulse in his hands, feel the wear that books and swords alike have on his skin, feel the warmth of life that was almost lost. ]

You are.


	Once upon a time This place was beautiful And mine But now It's just a bottom line Barely comes to mind But ever after was mine

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